Why Did the one handed man cross the road? To get to the dying man on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was Jimmy upset? There is a frog taped to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a man who is dirty, and is searching through a pile of garbage? A man who threw out his divorce papers.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do black people and apples have in common? They are both fruit... except for black people

thumb_up thumb_down +10

The original joke: "WATCH OUT FOR THAT HOLE!" "WHAT HOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The anti joke, aka realistic edition: "WATCH OUT FOR THAT HOLE!" "WHAT YAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHH!" The ballon edition: Original: "Balloon! Watch out for that Cactus!" "What Cactussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..." (leaking air you slowmo) The anti-joke aka realistic version: "Balloon watch out for that pointy soda!" "What soda *pop*" Moral: None of these where the least realistic!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man spots Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles. He proceeds to tell his friends the story, who in turn believe him, as the story is plausible.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

"Knock, Knock," a man called out. A child threw open the door and peered out at him. "Why didn't you just knock instead of saying 'knock knock'?" Flustered, the man couldn't come up with an answer, and the child promptly closed the door, locked it, and returned to her previous activities.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why is a bad joke like a dull pencil? cuz thers no point!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

- What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? - The refrigerator doesn't fart when you take your meat out.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A woman walks into a cave, and the entrance collapses. She spends two days in the cave. She comes close to death, due to lack of nutrition, but is thankfully rescued by a dog walker. She spends several days in hospital recovering. The experience really opens her eyes to life, and she learns not to take her loved ones for granted, and to really make the most of her life. Finally she is allowed to go home. The next day, she is hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Is that a threat or a promise? dragonflies

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Muffins can't speak therefor it said nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

There once was a man in Peru Who dreamed he was eating his shoe He awoke with a fright In the middle of the night To find that someone was breaking into his house

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why is Islam the fastest growing religion? Because black people breed like rats.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do? Enough to end the lives of two male individuals and paralyze the the third male individual from the hip down.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's green and invisible? This cabbage.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How does a gay take his pants off? Just like everybody else

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats the difference between a black guy and a white guy They both have different skin color

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +10

when life gives you skittles you take a handful and throw it at someone face and yell taste the rainbow

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why doesn't the South Pole war veteran remember the name of his child? He is a penguin and could care less about naming his children. Why doesn't the penguin on the North Pole remember the name of his child? There are no penguins on the North Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the duck say to the moose? Quack

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Two black men are sitting next to each other on a bench when a woman walks by. The first man says "Damn, that's a nice pair of tits!". The second man said "Yes, she does posses a supple and voluptuous bosom." The cat that was sitting underneath the bench then began cleaning himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the boy throw butter out the window? Because he had uncontrollable muscle spasms.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops