you are driving down the highway, if two birds make a bee then how many pies can fly at once? None because I can't read

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4 black men wearing ski masks and stripped jumpers kicked my door open and ran into my house knocking over and breaking things. They then realised this was not their friends house, apologised, paid for the damaged and left for the fancy dress party.

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Two men walk into a bar. It turns out the bar was a lever and set off a bomb. They both died.

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Q: What did the Kool-Aid Man say when he crashed through a wall? A: "OW! That hurt!"

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Your mom is so fat, that when she went to the doctor, the doctor told her she had Type II Diabetes.

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What is harder than Jenga? Being a quadraplegic.

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Why did the mathematician cross the road? To get his mail.

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What's the difference between a duck?

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What's black and white and red all over it? Not a newspaper because red is not all over it. Answers to this question may vary.

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"Hey guys lets have a standing obviation." No one else stands....

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light-bulb? Probably one. Replacing a light-bulb is a pretty simple task which any person (regardless of ethnicity) should be able to do without assistance.

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What do you call a comedian who can;t make people laugh? A bad comedian.

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How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge? Well, because there's an elephant in your fridge.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My room is a mess, Violets are still blue

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Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb Mary had a little lamb and the doctor was surprised

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?.

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Violets are red. Roses are blue. I am drunk, and i'm about to spew.

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What do you call a joke with no punchline?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i got 5 Fingers, the middle ones for you ?

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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Q: What is George Harrison's favorite hairstyle? A: How can we know? He's dead!

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What do you call a Mexican on a boat? A sailor

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Why didn't the elephant do any tricks? It was dead.

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What's long and hard and looks like plastic? A plastic baton.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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