- Anti Joke

how many Pikachu's can you get in a mini? 14.

You are so ugly that plastic surgery may be an option for you to consider.

What's a fail with a bowl on its head, a 30 year old, and a 5 year old at the same time? Justin Beiber

What do you call a group of black people? A group, you racist.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because Osama Bin Laden is dead.

I Like my women like i like my wine, 6 years old and locked in the cellar

A guy asked his Girlfriend to marry him. She said Hey! a Dump Truck! and the mental Boyfriend forgot all about the Proposal and was amazed by the Dump Truck.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Tom and Phill are eating ice cream Tom challenges Phill to a contest to see who can eat their ice cream in one bite Tom finishes his in two bites Phil in one Then he looks like he got a brain freeze Tom notices and says "You idiot: you got brain freeze!" Phill turns around and says "No, I have a brain tumor."

What do you call a guy who has no experience flying a plane? Suicidal

Roses are red Violets are orange Thats odd, my violets are somehow orange

why did the lady fall on the ground? The cord for the parachute was cut by her husband

Jesus said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But, John came fifth and won a toaster.

Here's a little diddy I wrote for One Direction: Now One Direction, don't forget that we all know About the antics that you pull at your own live shows Like you take your own lyrics and give 'em a swerve Now they either make no sense or make you sound like pervs And Liam, why you swiping cameras and phones? What you need a girl's number cause you're crusin alone? And another thing, it's a frickin spoon for God's sake What did this thing impale your puppy with a giant frickin stake? And so One Direction, we now all think That in about a year, y'all are gonna go NSYNC and disappear cause NSYNC isn't around any...aw you know!

Why cant African children read? While there are many contributing factors the largest would probably be the lack of a standardized education system mainly due to the logistical factors involved in reaching so many wide spread communities. Also the current economic climate and general disregard for civilians by the governments in these area would suggest that the states' focus would be on other issues besides the welfare of their citizens, this is probably similar to other countries in similar situations such as middle eastern, eastern european, and latin and south america. Then again, not really being educated on this issue in almost any way, has probably contributed to a broad generalization, and so the premise of this joke is most likely flawed in any case.

Why did you insult me and then punch me in the face? The hell if you care anymore, I killed you straight after. Neo-Nero. (Rest in peace Nero7 better known as The Moral Man, I hope I can one day live up to your greatness.) Moral: "Keep your spirits up, we are all going to die sometime, but life means nothing if we lose faith in ourselves and each other" Moral 2: "Nero Septimus, that will be my first and last moral that made a figment of fucking sense, if you are watching from whatever comes from life, I know that this is what you would have done, but just so you know and always wanted for us that followed you, I am doing this for my own goddamn fucking self, respects... Now if your ghost is still watching, get the fuck out of my room you damn cripple, and know that your arm is somewhere in the basement because its so goddamn bad ass that it fucking freaks me out, and so fucking heavy that I think you where some sort of superhuman, now gtfo, as you taught us, we cant focus on the goddamn afterlife, if we are gonna get the best out of life and the present, adios amigo"

why did the chicken cross the road? the holocaust

2 tomatoes walk across a road tomato 1 gets hit by a car tomato 2 gets confused, because tomatoes don't have legs and therefore cannot "walk across a road" And furthermore, a tomato does not have a brain, and thus cannot get confused.

Women's rights

how many times did lucy's mom drop her baby on its head? none, her mom died giving birth.....

What do you do when jews take over your country? Invade Poland.

What did Uncle Timmy give to Little John for his birthday? Sodomy.

A Mexican and a Black man are in a car. Who's driving? The police officer.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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