What's the difference between Michael J. Fox and a blender? Michael J. Fox is a successful actor starring in many movies, and a blender is a kitchen appliance.

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I just found out i have cancer.

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How do you get rid of door knocker? You run at them with a chainsaw.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Three men walk into a bar. Start drinking, fight each other and sustain massive head injuries.

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What do you call a fat guy falling down stairs Japan suffering.

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A Mormon bishop, a Jewish Rabbi, and a Moslem Imam all died on the same day. They went to hell because they thought their good works would save them.

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How to you stop the world from ending? You dont the world has been destroyed 5 times over again before and it will most likely happen to us one day.

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Did you hear about the guy who got all of his left side cut off?! He died of blood loss and permanent damage to his vital organs.

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what hurts more than a stab wound? two stab wounds

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split your ass cheek

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Why did the book disappear?

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What did the man say when he saw a purple cow? Nothing. He was blind.

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Why do black people have dark skin? Lack of melanin in their skin. You learn something new every day.

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A man is walking in the desert, alone and lost, when suddenly he finds a lamp. The man picks up the lamp and to his surprise, a genie bursts out of the lamp ! The genie says to the man: "Thank you, kind man! You have freed me from this prison I have been in for a million years. I am in your dept and will grant you three wishes." The man replies: "Wow, you've been in there for a million years and all you have to give me are three wishes?" The genie was really sad to hear of the man's lack of appreciation and flew away, leaving the man. The man eventually died of starvation and dehydration.

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A dog just died in my neighborhood last week. It made me sad so I vandelized a church and got put into jail. That made me even MORE sad so I vandelized the jail. Morel of the story: This wasn't grammaticly a story. A story is not 3 sentences. --

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got mercifully trampled by a nearby 18 wheeler.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Billy. Oh, come on in. You could have just knocked on my door or rang doorbell without saying "Knock Knock" though, that's kind of childish.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7 was a sixoffender!

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How many dead babies can you fit in a sink? I don't know i forgot to turn the garbage disposal off

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A man walks into bar and orders a drink. The bartender says " Hey I saw a bunch of men coming in and out of your house while you were on vacation last week." The man replied " I know. That's because my wife is a prostitute."

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How do you make a blonde stupid as hell. Give birth to it

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How do you drown a fish? You can't , it is physically Impossible to drown a fish. because they have gills, so they are able to breathe underwater.

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Whats the difference between a dead cat and a woman. The cat had a life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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