Your mama is so fat she suffered from diabetes and died of heart failure .

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An Irishman walks out of a pub. Just kidding.

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love is a homeless guy searchin' for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate and even though he's heartbroken he can't complain cuz he was hungry in the first place.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a Jew. The elephant has elephant cancer.

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What happened when the kid tried to hang himself? He was overweight, so the ceiling fan that the rope was tied to fell out of the ceiling. When he explained this to his drunk mother when she got home, she reinforced the fact that he was overweight (his low self esteem was the root of his depression) and beat him. The next day, he just chugged antifreeze. This isn't a true story. Just calm down.

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A dermatologist walks into a strip club. He tells the stripper she has hives on her back and that she needs to go to a clinic, then gets up from his lap dance and reports her to management.

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Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear was the one who started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would have

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Why did the chicken cross the road. ... So he could be hit by a car.

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What did the little boy order at Burger King? He ordered a burger and wiped his booger on the counter.

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What's poor and lives in Newry city council dump? Smelly mcD

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Kumquats Daffodils Alka-Seltzer Serendipity Dewey Decimal System Buccaneer Avuncular Pantaloons Weasels Alligator Chewbacca Sasquatch

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Ron Paul for President!

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Why was the Indian at the casino? He had a gambling addiction.

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A bench doesn't breathe, apparently Mexicans do.

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What's the difference between Michael J. Fox and a blender? Michael J. Fox is a successful actor starring in many movies, and a blender is a kitchen appliance.

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Why was the man sad His son got raped

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Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men? A. He thought it was a home delivery service.

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What do you call a black man at harvard? Probably a criminal who is in harvard law trying to find a good lawyer.

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I hate black people. Because their black.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked Jill if she wanna. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and had a little fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son

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What's worse than tieing a baby to a moving fan? Stopping it with a shovel

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What do you get when you mix a panda,oklahoma,and a handle? The oklahoma panhandle.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, And I'm color blind, So I don't give a shit

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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