Why didn't Helen Keller learn to drive as a teenager? They didn't have cars back then.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the farmer say when he didn't like his tractor? Man, i don't like this tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +28

If you beat Chuck Norris in arm wrestling, you will be proud of yourself and he will go home with nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

what happened to the boy that walked down the street he got hit by a falling street light

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A: What did the banana say to the other banana? B: I don't know, what? A: I don't know either, I was hoping you did.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a fish that isn't moving? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

roses are red violets are blue i suck at poems show me your boobs

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do you find a date? Look on the calendar!

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Neither does he.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Communism, Capitalism and an Irish man walk into a bar. Communism says, “I’ll buy the drinks but I require your complete obedient consent.” Capitalism says, “No I’ll buy the drinks but I require that you pay me back with interest” and the Irish man says “No I… I don’t feel very well at all… Oh shite I’ve got the bloody runs!” He then proceeds to shit myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man is approached by a mysterious character in the streets, offering to tell him a dark and amazing tale. The man declines and walks away.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what did the lonely boy get for christmas? the absence of a familly

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the dinosaur and John Wayne say to the Easter Bunny? Nothing, they're both dead and the Easter Bunny isn't real.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the pregnant teenager get for her birthday? An abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the apple say to the orange? The apple did not say anything at all because fruits do not possess the ability of speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: what did the man with a broken jaw say? A: nnamkkiuuiriwojjkmgfmls!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Do you have to make frequent trips to the bathroom? Do you have a weak or broken stream? Do you leave the bathroom feeling satisfied? Do your frequent trips to the bathroom interrupt everyday activities? Well you should take Lunesta and just sleep. Then you wouldn't have this problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the blond laugh at work? Because she farted. It was rather uncomfortable for everyone involved.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A. Knock, Knock B. Come in

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why is limety snicket a kike pussy? cuz will ferrell shit in his asshole

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red Violets are blue The sky is blue too

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops