If life gives you lemons, steal the declaration of independance and use the lemons and a hair dryer to reveal the numbers on the back. Then enbark on an epic journey that ends with the discovery of the templars treasure. Lastly, use the money you earned to buy some lemons and make some lemonade.

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? cause it was dead...

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What is green and has weels? A green bycicle.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?.

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What drink is dark yellow and freshly squeezed from one of the most healthy snacks? Piss.

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Man walks into a gun store, buys a gun. The same man goes home and lives happily till he dies of cancer. His son takes the gun shots himself, survives then later dies of cancer.

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What do you call a black man who goes to college? A scholar.

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Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing? R: Because she had no arms.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are due to transportation issues. (What if there are no replacement light bulbs in the house, and the nearest store was 10 miles away? It would be ridiculous to expect someone to walk twenty miles to replace a light bulb) In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a bus.

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Q: What is George Harrison's favorite hairstyle? A: How can we know? He's dead!

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Why was the little boy upset? He was on fire.

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Why didn't the elephant do any tricks? It was dead.

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Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, so to make his activities in the bar into a joke would be disrespectful and inconsiderate.

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How do you starve a black man? Take away his current food stocks, and means of income.

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Why does Nathan Rogers never get any pussy? Because goblins have small dicks

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Why did the Asian Cross the road? Because the crossing signal went green!

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What happens when you walk by two black men? You walk by two black men.

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Whats worse than eating a worm? Haveing a worm die in your penis.

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Knock knock Who's there? An elf. An elf who? An elf who wants to be a dentist.

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3 women are eating popsicles, one is biting, one is licking, and one is sucking, which is married? The one with the wedding ring.

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What do a platypus and Obama have in common? A brain, except for Obama.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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