How do you get three Canadians out of a pool? Say "Hey guys time to get out of the pool."

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I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one animal there and it was a dog. It was a shitzoo

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them

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Chuck Norris walks into a bank. There is a long line to get to the teller. Chuck Norris waits patiently in line.

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What did your last slave die of? Terminal Cancer

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What did the Mexican say when a house fell on him? Nothing. He's dead.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why was the baby ant confused? Because his uncles were ants

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i'd put my penis in your mouth

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Ask him to come down.

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Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

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Why did the cat eat the cupcake? Cause he was hungry.

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Roses are red violets are blue I have AIDS go get checked

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Always put punctuation at the end of your sentence

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Q: What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? A: An horse

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How do you make a plumber sad? Kill his family.

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How do you get a dog to obey your rules?¿¿? Threaten to beat it with a rod!¡!

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What did one child say to the other child? We both are kids.

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How did the girl die? 25.

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What did the man say to the duck? Nothing ducks don't talk.

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OY SHIT ITS YOUR MOM!!!

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Why was the man late for work? Because he slept in.

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What smells like peanut butter but looks like a penis? A penis, I lied about the peanut butter.

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A gentleman walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get for you?" The gentleman replys that he would like a beer. After the bartender fulfils the gentleman's order, the gentleman drinks his beer and enjoys it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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