Your mom is so fat, it is unlikely that she will be able to survive the month without experimental liposuction and heart surgery, and even then her outlook is bleak. I am so sorry.

Hitler arrives at his neighbor's barmitzfah... fashionably late.

What do you call it when a black man and a japanese woman get married? A wedding.

Roses are 3:18 Violets are 3:18 I Just figured out a pattern. And saved peoples lives with the help of Keifer Sutherland.

when i start seeing A TON of black people what does that mean? im color blind

A man walks into a bar. It was a metal bar. He cracked his skull and died in the hospital shorty afterward.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was mad at it wife.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she was deaf and blind and would have been a hazard to herself and others.

If Jimmy has 50 pieces of candy and eats 40 of them, what does he have now? Jimmy has diabetes.

What do you call a really old Cowboy? A senior citizen with a brain tumor.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died! Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey!!

Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Sir, your wife has been killed. Please open the door so that we may discuss this matter. The man then opens the door and listens to the tale of how a disgruntled worker opened fire in a grocery store, killing 13 people including his wife. Unable to cope with this and the fact both his parents passed away earlier that year he later hangs himself soon after the police leave.

"I can sell this watch for $500 dollars on the black market!" Well, you could sell your liver for $500 dollars on the black market too.

What did Jesus REAREAREAREVENAGNCEREALLY SAY when he was walkin on da waterz? And I bless this object which shalth now be known as the surfboard, Amen. Seriously, im a Christian, that sounds kinda cute in a weird way... Like aww, thats why he walked on water, not because of terrifying super powers.

Why was the boy wearing pyjamas? It was his bed time.

the comment about daniel was fron brock

I'm a necrophiliac. Keep watch over your dead friends... ;)

hi do you like guitars? cool i dont

Yo mom is so fat and stupid that she used butter to get through the doorway, but she ate it

Why are spanish people good at soccer? Hard work and a long-life time comitment

what is black and green and red all over q: Nothing, you cant have 3 colors on the same surface

What did the homeless man do with his trolley full of aluminium cans, He took them to the scrapyard and sold them as this is his only source of income right now

what did the terorist do when he went out side blew up

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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