what did the short man say to the shoe? i sincerely hope that someone wouldn't try to carry a conversation with an inannnimate object, or else he is socially disturbed

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united we sit, cause we're fat

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What's Worse Than Unripened Fruit? Crippling Depression.

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It's a man's 100th birthday, and as one of his last wishes he wants to go skydiving. Unfortunately, due to his crippling arthritis, he was unable to pull the rip cord on his parachute and plummeted to his death.

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This is a joke

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What is quite heavy and if it falls off a tree and hits you in your head you die? A sheets packet

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

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Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: a pizza is a food that was created in italy and is regularly eaten daily around the world and a jew is a religion that is constantly criticized and made fun of because they are different.

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What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

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Lethal injection is a lot more humane than the electric chair. I know because nobody's complained about it yet.

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Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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How come Hellen keller is blind and deaf? Cause she is a women.

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Woman's Rights

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If a tree falls on a woman and there's no one around to hear her scream why did a tree fall in the kitchen?

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So an irishmen, jewish, and asain walk into the bar...and the bartender said get out..

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic, so to make his activities in the bar into a joke would be disrespectful and inconsiderate.

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Why did the man jump off a cliff? Because he was committing suicide.

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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Why did someone see a penguin walking in the desert? They were dreaming, because Penguins waddle and live in the Arctic.

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What happened when the man stuck his hand in the blender? Nothing, it was turned off.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How many fingers does Charlie Sheen have? 8. and 2 thumbs. just like most everybody else.

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Why did the coconut fall out of the tree? Gravity.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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