A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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Two Atheists walk into a bar. A nearby Christian notices this fact and proceeds to slightly preach to both of the Atheists. They then kindly explain that they don't personally believe in God, but respect the Christian's opinion. They all order drinks, and become very close friends, engaging in a long, hateless conversation.

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Michael Jackson walks into a daycare center.

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Yo momma so fat when god said let there be light he said get the fuck out the way!

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What is the difference between a black guy and a road? One you put tar on and the other one is a road

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I pooped my pants

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What did grandma receive for her 75th birthday? Alzheimer's.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because potatos are invading russia

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Why couldn't the boy sing? The boy could sing, but the thick layer of duct tape prevented him from doing so.

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why are asians eyes so slanted? because THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY!!!

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Why did Sally fall off the swing set? Because she had no arms. A: Knock knock! B: Who's there? A: Not Sally.

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what did meredith and nick have in common an i

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Teacher: Billy what do you want to be when you grow up? Billy: A fireman! Teacher: Tommy what do you want to be when you grow up? Tommy: 9/11

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I saw a woman get donkey punched in the middle of the street. Nero the clit collector: You know... What is it called when A donkey kinda lifts its front hoove and hits a woman? ...WHAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE STARVE TO DEATH BECAUSE OF YOUR COIN COLLECTION? YOUR STAMPS ARE MURDER! (or something) At least my uh... "Friends" survive... SOMETIIIIIIIIMEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!! ...And then I kill them.

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there's 4 men, a rabbi, a priest, a monk, and a captain. they all go on the captain's ship for a cruise with a couple hundred people. this was during the cold war, and the ship was mistaken for a war ship, and the russians missled it. the monk says: "we have to get everyone off the ship!" the rabbit say: "NO! the women and children need to get off first! And we should also hail to Satan!" the Captain says: "OMG! It's a talking Rabbit!" the priest then stops the rabbit to death!" the rabbi says: "The rabbit is right! But just the children!" The Captain says: "Screw the children! this ship is going to Hell, we have talking animals saying we should worship the devil!" the priest says: "Do you think we have time" the monk, the rabbi, and the captain stare and beat him to death.... "Well, he was already going to Hell" the Monk says. But during this entire time the ship has been sinking and another missle blows up the ship. Everyone dies, except for Sean Conery...and Chuck Norris.

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What was the pirates grade? Arrr That isn't a valid grade

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Your existance.

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How do u get a clown off of a swing? You hit him with an axe.

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knock knock who's there interupting black woman interu- MMMMHHHHHMMMM

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What is the difference between a girl and a boy? Well, a girl has two x-chromosones but a boy has and X and a Y chromosone.

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Q: Why did Sally not like her trip to Hawaii? A: A volcano erupted and killed her whole family.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 27

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WHO the FUK are Waseem ? and Jess ??!!!!

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Pi = Pie, something everybody likes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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