Why does jim never go to McDonalds? his wife got shot there.

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A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

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Your mom is so fat, that when she went to the doctor, the doctor told her she had Type II Diabetes.

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What's black and twelve inches long? A Maglite.

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what did the short man say to the shoe? i sincerely hope that someone wouldn't try to carry a conversation with an inannnimate object, or else he is socially disturbed

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So two clowns walk into a bar... . . . . . . . . . . They died

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Holocaust jokes are not funny. My Grandpa died in the Holocaust... He fell off of the guard tower.

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What do you call a black kid with dead parents? Depressed

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Lethal injection is a lot more humane than the electric chair. I know because nobody's complained about it yet.

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A fish finds that his fishbowl is on fire. He escapes the bowl only to realize he is equally screwed.

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An Englishmen, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar, and ordered a beer. They later went home and slept. They woke up the next morning with a slight hangover.

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Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb Mary had a little lamb and the doctor was surprised

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Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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What do you call a Mexican on a boat? A sailor

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What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

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Roses are Gray, Violets are Gray, I am color-blind, I hate my life

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*knock knock* "who's there?" "me, the person who knocked..duh"

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Roses are red-ish Violets are blue-ish If it weren't for Jesus we'd all be jewish

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What do you call a penis without hair? Apple sause

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What do you call a pig with one eye? A pig.

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What did the Pope say to the little boy? Look both ways before crossing the street

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Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? The pilot and three passengers died.

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How do you get a blonde to break a nail? Smash her finger with a wrench.

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why'd the baby cross the road it was stapled to the chicken

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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