What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy? You're skinny

thumb_up thumb_down -27

im gonna sue mcdonalds i asked for a hamburger and it was a beef burger -_-

thumb_up thumb_down -29

As Vanilla Ice once said, "If there's a problem ill resolve it."

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What's up?" The man replies, "The opposite of down."

thumb_up thumb_down -29

How long does it take a Jewish man to pleasure his wife? There are many factors that go in to pleasuring a woman, none of which are readily measureable

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What do you do with a pickle jar full of semen? Use it for gel, because it took so long to collect it all, and you're frugal person who believes in recycling.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's long, hard, and filled with semen? A submarine

thumb_up thumb_down -37

What is the best way break up with your significant other without hurting their feelings? It is better to get it over with quickly and decisively. Gunshot to the head should do the trick.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I'm taken

thumb_up thumb_down -41

What did the father say to his daughter? "I'm going to rape you."

thumb_up thumb_down -43

yo mama is fat shes fat

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I stepped into the bathroom and began to take a shower. Then, I panicked. I was so thirsty, and I did not take the advantage to drink some water before I stepped into the bathroom. But then I realized: "Wow, I am so silly. I am standing under the shower, so I could easily just expedite my washing and drying, exit the bathroom, get dressed, and grab something to drink from the kitchen!" Then I showered quickly and got something to drink.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, due to the lack of details, there could be many reasons, such as the possibility that there was a cornfield on the other side, he got scared by a loud noise behind him and ran across the street, or just plain old curiosity, but whatever it may be, right now, we do not know the cause.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

A mama cow was sitting in the barn with her 3 babies. The first baby cow goes "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" "Because a Daisy landed on your head when you were born" The second calf goes "Mom, why did you name me Rose?" "Because a Rose petal landed on your head when you where born." The third calf says "Aasdfghoiuytfghjkuiy" The mom replies "Shut up brick"

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Roses are red, violets are blue, your so ugly, im going to kill you! Just kidding.......... Violets are purple. -Harrison

thumb_up thumb_down +60

What do you call a really small grape? A grape.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak and will have her institutionalized as soon as they find her.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What do you call an Arab flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing? R: Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why did John go outside? His house was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Why was little billy sad? He had a crouton stuck up his asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

If life gives you lemons, steal the declaration of independance and use the lemons and a hair dryer to reveal the numbers on the back. Then enbark on an epic journey that ends with the discovery of the templars treasure. Lastly, use the money you earned to buy some lemons and make some lemonade.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LJP1DphOWPs#!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What do you call a Mexican on a boat? A sailor

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops