A duck walks into a bar.... Animal control is swiftly called and the duck is relocated to a nearby park.

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Whats worse then losing your phone? The Holocaust

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What happened to the guy who got bullied? He commited suicide.

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The daring man said "here goes nothing." And nothing happened. -Tag

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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Why do black people eat so much fried chicken? Because it's delicious!

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Q: whats the fastest way to a woman's heart? A: A knife to the ribs...

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Your moms so poor that when she went to buy a bag of chips, she couldn't buy the bag of chips, because she didn't have enough money to buy the bag of chips

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Where did the watch-dog take the blind man on Saturday afternoon? Wherever the blind man wanted to go

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What is worse than eating shoxy poulet.? Nothing

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How did the fat woman survive the car accident? She had on her seat belt.

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Q. Why was the blonde fired from the M+M factory? A.She was addicted to meth.

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Whats the difference between a raisin and a old lady? One is alive, i think.

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what do you do to get a guy to vomit?? kick him in the balls!

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What's brown and sticky? Caramel.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police, your family is dead.

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Have you seen the movie "Constipation?" No. It hasn't come out yet! Of course there is no such movie in production and no plans for such a movie exist.

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A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender, millions of times larger than the infinitesimally small subatomic particle, does not hear his question and so does not reply.

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what dog doesnt have teeth? A horse.

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What do you call the black president? Mr.President

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What's worse than finding a hair in your soup? Slavery.

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Roses are red Violets are blue The sky is blue too

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a blonde, a brunette and a red head are robbing a bank, they hear the police coming, so they try to find a place to hide. The red head hides in cat cage, the brunette hides in dog cage and the blonde hides in potatoe sack. When the police come the brunetter says "Woof, Woof!" the red head says "MEOW! MEOW!" and the blonde says "P-O-T-A-T-O-E!"

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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