What happens when you put a squid in the microwave? It dies.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? - It was dead.

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what do you call a man that looks like will ferrel? jim

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? The hooker is a human being whereas the onion is a vegetable.

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Tell somebody that someone told you they look like an owl. When they say "Who?" laugh in their face

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, this joke sucks.

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Adam said to God, "God, I need a companion." God replied, "OK Adam, but you need to give up a rib." Adam agreed and thus humanity was born.

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knock knock whos there not me

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Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

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How do you make a clown sad? Kill his family.

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Jim: Can you shoot a basketball with one hand? Moe: There's no such thing as a basketball with one hand.

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Why did the boy eat his bagel? He was hungry.

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What did the blind kid get for Christmas? A collection of braile children's reading books.

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Jews.

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What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? He received many presents because his parents loved him very much.

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A tiger walks into a bar. Clearly there is something wrong with animal control.

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Max who Max Who's there Knock knock I'm dyslexic

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Why was the bear gay. He grew up in a disfunctional home.

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Want to hear the best joke ever? Me too.

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What did the gay man say to the other gay man? Hey, we're both gay, let's have sex!

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Why did hale say I have but one life to give for my country? He has one life

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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what did the muffin say to the other muffin when they were in the oven? hi, im a muffin

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops