Why can't the blonde dial 911? Because she's being held hostage against her will.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had the utmost desire to.

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy, but heres my penis, so suck it baby.

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what is the only death better than asama bin ladin JUSTIN BIEBER'S

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Why did ned fall out of the tree? Because he was hit by a koala.

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A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see an orphanage on fire. "Oh my god!" says the rabbi. "We have to save the children!" "Screw the children!" says the priest. "Out of what?" replies the rabbi.

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Your mother is so fat that she is highly likely to get heart disease and/or diabetes.

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How did the family of Cubans get to Florida? They flew first class from their home in upstate New York.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly shits on the floor then gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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I may have alzheimers...Thank god I dont have alzheimers

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Meow.

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What did the white man say to the black man? Hello

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A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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There are 100 men enjoying a cruise to celebrate an important contract going through at their place of employment. The boat then suffers a major malfunction and tragically sinks to the bottom of the ocean, miles from any land masses. Not a single man died, how is this possible? They all used the lifeboats supplied on the boat and followed the standard procedure to deal with such a crisis.

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what's 2 + 2? i don't know that's why i'm asking you

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What do you call a pen sitting on a counter? A righting utensil not being currently used.

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Roses are red, violets are blue i've got a gun, pointing at you

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What's more funny than a dead baby? A dead baby dressed like a clown.

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Jacob Mckeand licks his gooch everynight. Some nights he even covers it in maple syrup. 'mmmmm' he thinks to himself as he licks his 7 inch gooch up and down.

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religion.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was the World Chicken Road Crossing Competition.

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What do you call a puppy with no limbs? It doesn't matter, he's never coming back.

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Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin turns to the second muffin and says "OH MY GOD I CAN TALK!" the second muffin is so shaken in its beliefe system by a talking muffin that it commits suicide.

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When Michael Jackson was in a dark tunnel, it didn't work when he turned his flashlight. How come? A: Because it was out of battery

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops