A man walks into a bar, he begins drinking and returns home visably drunk. His family disowns him as he is a recovering alchoholic who was three months sober.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the little boy say after he was pushed off the cliff? Nothing. He died, therefore, he is incapable of speaking.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A conversation between friends ( or some what.) Joe: I'm thinking about going out of state for college ... Rick: your mom went to college! Joe: yes she did Rick that's why shes a docker and my families rich.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

"One fish, two fish, red fish, the holocost." -Dr. Seuss

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Spongebob: Patrick! Can you hear me? Patrick: No, it's too dark.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what did the terorist do when he went out side blew up

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why was the chinese man so good at math it was his favorite subject

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the boat salesman cry? Because a puppet killed his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

The Mexican word of the day is JUICY. Tell me if juicy see the cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why do Teenagers, mostly girls between the ages of 12-17 love Justin Bieber? Because he promotes himself worldwide and makes sure that girls know who he is thus creating a fan base that will be large enough to promote his career, which ensures him a safe financial future.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Digress

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Two muffins are being baked in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Man, it's starting to get really hot in here." The other muffin says, "MUFFINS CAN TALK?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What bad thing could happen if you gave a black man a gun? ....stop expecting some racist punchline!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why'd the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Dory from Finding Nemo: "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy- Hey, I just met you."

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Whats worse than not coming up with an original anti joke? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

woman's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What happened to the black man when he was eating a Tootsie Roll? He ate the entire thing but was still hungry due to the empty calories.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I really don't care how you dress at my funeral, I'll be dead!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

whats blue and can be seen in the sky? the sky.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

roses are red , violets are blue , sugar is sweet and so are you. the roses are wilting the violets are dead. the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops