What do you call a black man with a hoe? A farmer.

A guy walks into a bar. He was an alcoholic and it was destroying his family.

How many cows say moo? All of them

What did the girl get for her birthday? Older.

What did the clock say? The time.

What did the turkey call the chicken? Nothing, turkeys can't speak, idiot.

Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike?.. She was 4 and hadn't learned how to ride a bike yet... Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead... Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?.. It was stapled to the first monkey... Why was Suzie angry?.. Her parents had only found one bike at the marketplace... Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?.. It thought it was a game... Why did the fridge fall out of the tree?.. It had no arms... Lucy fall off her bike?.. She was crushed by 3 monkeys and a fridge... There's 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left?.. 499 bricks... How do you get an elephant into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... How do you get a deer into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... The lion is celebrating his birthday and, being the king of the jungle, all the other animals were in attendance except for one... Why?.. The deer was in the fridge... Little Mia is looking for Lucy and comes across an alligator-infested river... How does she cross it?... She swam... The alligators are at the lion's party... She died anyways, though... What happened?.. A brick fell on her head... Why did Suzie fall off the swing?.. She was trampled by the elephant, who was in a hurry to get to the lion's party in time... Why did the ethologist couple commit suicide?.. Their 3 daughters there killed by a brick, an elephant and 3 dead monkeys followed by a fridge... Note: yeah not 100% original, i mixed some already existing jokes together... works better if you don't tell them all at once but sprinkle them in with lots of other unrelated jokes...

What do you get when you cross an orangatang with a grizzly bear? Nothing, they just walk past each other unless the bear eats the shit out of the monkey then feeds it to her cubs

Knock Knock Who's there Nobody is here. This is just a feeble attempt of your subconsious to convince yourself you have someone who cares about you in the least bit to mask the horrible wretched pain of loneliness and suffering that is the enternal damnation of your life.

Pull over dat ass to fat, no seriously your blocking a firelane

Bill:Ask me to do something. Bob:Go get me a beer Bill:Would you like fries with that?

Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was a registered sex offender.

1 + 1 = 3

Shit!

What time is it? 10:58

What do you get when you cross a donkey and a horse? a mule

What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? Shot.

A Irishman walks into a bar... he suffers severe head injuries.

It's weird how two of the SAME jokes can get different ratings.

What did the fat girl say to the good looking guy? Nothing. She didn't have the self-confidence to go up to him.

who hooks up with grade 7's? •Jake Muchnik

What's stronger than then the love of a mother and her child? A semi-truck

What did the Scientist say to the bookstore owner he met? "Hi."

Why was the little girl crying? Her father has been abusing her and her mother for a year now.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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