One day, John ate some food. He quickly realized he had an upsetting feeling in his stomach, so he stopped eating food and used the restroom. Then he drew a picture.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You: Mike and Steve were playing chess, who won? Them: Mike You: no, it was steve

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Are u that bald or is your neck blowing bubbles.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

"Have you ever seen a blacksmith?" "No." "Me neither."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What time is it when grandpa sits ontop of a telephone pole and throws pineapples at people? Time to go to a nursing home

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you get a dog off of your roof? Shoot it.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Hey I just met you And I am crazy So I will kill you And eat your body

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. The mexican, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. Alex, however never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation. John was never the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

See now that is confident and down to earth, reasonable, and all the etc etc`s, so what would you like me to fill them in with? Joking aside, you are smart, funny, you take a beating (sorry that`s today`s new low point, I have never hit a woman and never will, sure I punched down the GigaLesb when she lifted me up and my spine started making cracking noises, but that does not technically count as a woman). You are sweet, you are cute, you are funny, you are hot hot hot (hattrick see?), and yeah yeah if you want me to prove to people here that we know each other, sure, I met you once like 15 years ago? You kinda adored me, I could not take my eyes of yours (oh yeah, you got adorable eyes sure), and... You got huge breasts (Tits are more like those hanging you know what I mean) Sigh sometimes a boy wonders what he is doing with his life, he falls for the strangest girls... ...AND THEN SAID BOY FINDS HIMSELF BROKEN IN TWINE BY ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Patrick- hey spongebob i thought of something even funnier then 24 Spongebob- What patrick- 25

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Guns don't kill people. Dangerous minorities do.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Bob and his family were looking forward to going to an all inclusive holiday to Spain. When they got on the plane, a bomb went off, causing Bob to realise that he was never going to see his family again, and that they were about to suffer a horrific, painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

a man walks into a prostitute.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

a boy named justin littleton made his own anti-joke......

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the dog say to the cat before they fought? Lets fight

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is the difference between a firework and a dog? One is funny to blow up and the other one is pretty lights

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a pack of black people. Nothing you racist -_-

thumb_up thumb_down

Samantha

thumb_up thumb_down

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the engineer say to the supervisor? Hi.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Why did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock The person you are seeking is deaf and cannot hear the sound that is made when your knuckles come in contact with the door. Try calling next time..........

thumb_up thumb_down

How do u get a baby to stop choking? Take ur c*ck out if its mouth!!!

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops