i got angry and i was like " i really want to kick someone" ,my friend was on the ground and shes like "you can kick me" ,and i'm like "REALLY" ,then i kicked her really hard and she cried...

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? This isn't a car

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Women's rights.

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Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Juan

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What happened to the lady with cancer?? She got shot!!

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Which side of a chicken has more feathers? The outside.

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What do you a call a guy on steroids? A Body Builder

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Roses are red Kittens are fluffy This doesn't rhyme Cupcake

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Q: What dosent a Jew and a pizza have in commen? A: The pizza dosent scream when you put it in the oven.

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A child rides by his mother on his bicycle and says "Look Mom, no hands!" The child doesn't come back, and night falls but he has yet to come home. His mother calls the police and a search begins 2 days later. He is never found is presumed dead.

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Q: What's white, sticky, and is swallowed by most women? A: Ice Cream

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how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

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A Grape Soda inside a Chicken inside a Watermelon. Blackception.

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What's the biggest difference between white and black people? the melanin levels in their skin.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released into a nearby park.

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What did the sting ray say to steve irwin? It doesn't matter , steve irwin is dead, dead as a doormat.

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i hate it when Voldemort showers in my nutella

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Your mama is so ugly that she tried out for America's Next Top Model and did not get in.

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Why could the red-haired boy sing higher notes than the blonde-haired boy? He was castrated at birth.

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What animal has four legs and one hand? Happy rottweiler

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Why did the the chicken cross the road? Escape.

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What's green and gets people high? A green helicopter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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