Son: Dad what does it mean to f***? Dad: Jimmy! don't use that kind of language.. use the word chainsaw instead. Son: Ok, well what does it mean to chainsaw? Dad: Well as you know, God created people, he started with Adam and eve and then he- Son: You keep referring to god as a he, are you suggesting that God has a penis? I guess that would explain the big bang theory... right? get it? Dad: ... Go chainsaw yourself, Jimmy.

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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HEY YOU!!! just checking for assholes

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Roses are red Violets are blue your mum is fat and so are you

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How many hearts does a jellyfish have? None.

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take out the f in way. there is no f in way. I see what you did there.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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It burns when I pee sometimes.

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How do you keep a black man from robbing your house? Lock your doors, or perhaps get a update-to-date security system.

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What do u get when u mix a dinosaur and a lesbian? A-lick-alot-a-puss

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Why did the clown fall off the swing? Because he was dead.

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Your friend is so retarded I am getting a bit worried and his mother should take him to get tested for mental retardation.

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Roses are red, Violets are purple

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A caterpillar walks into a bar. I don't know how he opened the door.

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Know what's worse than three bee stings? living every day in fear of your schizophrenic hallucinations

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What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

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Women's rights.

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I like apples. So does Mr. Johnson from the local fruit stand.

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Womens Rights.

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If your flying upstream in a kayak and a wheel flys off, how many pancakes can fit into a dog house? None, because ice-cream is alergic to frogs!

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What do Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder have in common? They're both well known figures who have inspired many.

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Yo mama's so fat that she should probably go on a diet to avoid the risk of getting a cardiovascular disese.

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Whats the worst thing about seeing a truck being snapped in half? It was mine

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What do you call a tall Asian Tall

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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