- Anti Joke

Two men drove their car of a cliff. They died.

Why is jim retarded? Because he fucks chickens

why was the boy sad...because scooby doo shot him with a harpoon

Knock Knock. Who's There? silence... Damn kids and their evasive tactics.

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to a bin lorry

A man walks into a bar and orders a water. He then drinks his water and leaves. The following day he returns to the bar and again orders a water. He repeats this for many days until finally one day the bartender asks him why he comes every day to just drink water. The man replies, "Water is free. I got laid off from my job last week. Rough economy, you know." The bartender starts charging him for water, and the man becomes homeless.

Your mom is such a slut she had sex with your dad on the very first night of their marriage!

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

Once there was a rich man who lived in a castle on a hill. One fine morning who awoke and decided to go downstairs to make a cup of tea. As he switched on the kettle, he realised he had no tea bags, and so, went to the local shops to buy some – but when he arrived back, his magnificent castle had been burnt down to the ground. The man, obviously shocked, looked around in hope for some evidence as to who would commit this awful crime, but he saw nothing, apart from a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance and they give him a mansion. One morning in the man’s fine mansion, he decided he wanted a nice cup of tea, so went downstairs, discovered he had no teabags, went to the shop to purchase some and came back to find his mansion was no more than a pile of ash. Once again he looked around and saw nothing other than a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance for a second time and they give him a normal house. One morning in the man’s normal house, he feels the need for a cup of tea. But has no teabags, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to find his normal house has burnt down. In the distance a little green man is running away. Insurance give the man a small cottage. And one morning in this small cottage, the man goes downstairs to make a cup of tea, but once again he has no teabags. Off to the shops he went to buy some but discovered, as he approached his cottage on the way home, that it had been burnt down. He looked around to see the now familiar sight of a little green man running off into the distance. Insurance give him a caravan. One morning in the caravan, the man discovers, while attempting to make a cup of tea, that he has no teabags. So, naively, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to his caravan to find it burnt down. He looked up and saw a little green man running off into the distance. The now annoyed insurance company give the man a tent. One sunny morning in the man’s tent - he feels the need for tea, but has no teabags; he goes to the shop to buy some and arrives back at his tent to find a little green man holding a can of gasoline and some matches. The man asks: “are you the one who has been burning down all my houses?” And the little green man replies: “No.”

Knock knock.* Who is it? The police. We have news that your daughter was molested and will never been seen again for the man who stole her has takin' her out of our jurisdiction.

2 women were sitting quietly

Why did the old man have only one foot? Sadley, the other one was shot off in World War II and life hasnt been the same for him since.

A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

What is worse than 20 black men stealing your TV? Having your family die in tragic car accident.

How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Hit him with an ax

How do you scare a blonde? Put the barrel of a gun to the side of her head.

How do you survive in the wilderness? You nail an orphan to a rock underwater.

What did Anne Frank get for christmas? Nothing Anne Frank is jewish.

On a scale from Casey Anthony to Sandusky, how much do you like children?

Q: What did zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt

What did the man do when he was tired Nothing he went to bed

What do you do when you fall of the horse? Consider calling the paramedics because it's possible that when you hit the ground your brain sustained damage and you should be rushed to a hospital immediately.

What's purple and has four wheels? A frog, except for the purple and four wheels part.

1 + 1 = 3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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