What’s black and white and red all over? A zebra in a meat grinder

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why did the cat cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

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I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I beat my family.

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A man walks into a doctors and says 'Doctor, Doctor, I have a bad stomach ache' Upon hearing this, the doctor writes the man a prescription for medication and wishes him a swift recovery.

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Why is Kony hated by the kid with ADHD? Hey look a kid being raped while watching his family getting killed.

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i have a black person in my family tree he is still hanging

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womens rights

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Why couldn't Helen Keller see or hear? She was blind and deaf.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven. Ha ha ha ha

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what was hitlers rap album called? straight outta mein kampfton

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-Wanna hear a joke? -Not really -Oh

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You know what they say about big feet... Wow, those are some big feet.

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Q: What is the differenc between a Jew and a boy scout? A: The boy scout comes back from camp.

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What did the man say to the other man? You smell nice today.

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What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed Nothing it is a sentient object and doesn't have the capability to talk

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? Jelly is made from the juice of the fruit while jam is made from the pulp of the fruit.

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Whats an Anti Joke

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What did the liberian man say to the kid he just spat on? You have ebola. and probably aids.

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Why did the tree stay home from school? Because, trees don't have school.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding A Duck in your apple! What is worse than finding a duck in your apple? Finding a racist in your apple! Whats worse than finding a racist in your apple? DEATH

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why did the girl like d1ck? because d1ck was a nice boy

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What's red and smells like green paint? The rotting corpse of the old lady I poisoned with green paint.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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