- Anti Joke

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He threw it, because he had parkinson's!

What is brown and sticky? Poop

Roses are red Violets are blue Your mom is dead And your dad is too

how do you get a baby to stop swinging from a fan whack it with a shovel

What is big, white, and hurts when it falls from the sky? A FRIDGE

Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

Why did the koala bear fall outta the tree? He died. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?? He was stapled to the first koala. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?? He had no arms. Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?? He thought it was a race to the bottom. Why did the fifth koala fall out of the tree?? Peer Pressure.

How do you kill a 6'5 black man in a dark alley? Stab him 3 times in the appendix with a 12 inch blade.

When crossing the river, why the old lady die? She was hit by a falling brick that fell from an airplane.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a T-Rex? There are certainly innumerable differences, but, in general, humans are vertebrates belonging to the Mammalia class, chiefly a member of the species Homo sapiens; dinosaurs are chiefly terrestrial, herbivorous or carnivorous reptiles from the extinct orders Saurischia and Ornithischia.

SOPA gets passed and shuts down anti-joke because KFC claims the picture of the anti-joke chicken

Q: I have 2 dogs. Why? A: I like dogs

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.

I win an iPad for pooping on someone's head Answer- We have a muddaf**kin winna

Roses are dead Violets are dead Im a bad gardener

A Guy walks into a bar Ouch

a man is having trouble getting onto the internet on his home computer. so he he calls a computer technician to help him. \

What did the man say when he was hit with a flying watermelon? Ouch.

Why did the black lady yell? She was being raped.

Roses are Red Violets are plucked So are my nose-hairs Pretty disgusting

I just flew in from Chicago and boy are my legs cramped

A man walks into a bar. He backs up, unwraps it, and enjoys its chocolatey deliciousness.

Roses are red Violets are red Tulips are red Bushes are red Trees are red HOLY SHIT MY GARDEN's ON FIRE!!!!!

Why did the blond put a condom on her hear? So, she would not get hearing ads.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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