What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

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lol

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why wouldn't the boy shake his teachers hand? his abusive father cut it off with an axe when he was a child

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what did the crippled boy say to the truck driver? "i like cats."

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What Does the Duck Say? "Got any grapes?"

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Sex.

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear made her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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What do you call a man with no heart? Dead.

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Okay, So a Cow, a Lumberjack and a Fireman walk into a bar. The cow asks the bartender, "What kind of milk do you have?" The bartender looks confused and asks," Why would a cow want milk?" The cow replies,"I've been producing milk all my life and I've never had a chance to try it. I'd just like some milk." The bartender replies,"Okay we have whole milk, 2%, and skim milk. What'll you have?" The cow says,"Whole milk, I want the whole deal." The bartender obliges. Next the Lumberjack comes up to the bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The lumberjack asks for some syrup. The bartender inquiries,"What kind of syrup would you like?" The lumberjack answers,"Pure Maple, imitation, or chocolate. All work for me." The bartender turns and pours a shot of pure maple syrup and turns away. Finally the fireman walks up the the bartender and says, "Can I have a glass of water?" The bartender turn and ask inquisitively,"Why?" The fireman quickly replies,"TO PUT OUT THE FIRE!"...

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what do you call a retarded kid? jack kamstra

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Knock knock. Who's there? Mark. Oh Hai Mark

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What did the child rapist say to the little boy? I'm going to rape you.

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What's black, white, has green stripes and smells like eggs? I don't know. That's why I'm asking.

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Q. How do Italian girls shave their legs? A. They lie down outside and have someone mow them.

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If u wanna get high, smoke weed

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A rabbi and a jew walk into a bar and had lot's of crazy anal sex ... then asked god for forgiveness. the end

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My neighbor's kid was running around yelling magical spells. I said "Wow, you really want to be like Harry Potter, don't you?". He said "Yes!". So, I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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How do you kill a dinosaur with a spoon? You cant because they are extinct creatures

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Pickles

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What's big, grey and can't climb a tree? A parking lot

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You're mum is so fat, she has low self-esteem

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How does a muslim make his parents proud? He gets good grades.

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An Irishman, a homosexual and a Jew walk into a bar. Paddy's really exploring his options lately.

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Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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