A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why couldn't the man walk? Because his leg is broken.

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PUDDING

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What do you call two black guys having sex with Paris Hilton? N*ggas in Paris

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Why couldn't the ten year old watch a porno movie? Because it was on blu-ray and his family only owned a regular dvd player.

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What would you do for a Klondike bar? I'd go all the way to the store and buy one.

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What's worse than a kid being bullied at school? A kid being bullied at school, to go home and be raped by his stepdad.

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Whats black, blue, and doesn't like sex? The little boy in my trunk.

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How do you get a firetruck to swerve uncontrollably? Shoot the driver with a 12 gauge.

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How much is a pet whale? $1350.99

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A doctor is delivering a baby on April fool's day. He says, "Congradulations, it's a boy." He then says,"April fools! Your child was stillborn."

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HEY YOU!!! just checking for assholes

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.

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What did the man with scissors do? He cut his balls off.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms

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what did the crippled boy say to the truck driver? "i like cats."

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and chess? Michael Jackson's dead.

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What does a dog do in his spare time? Lick himself.

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My neighbor's kid was running around yelling magical spells. I said "Wow, you really want to be like Harry Potter, don't you?". He said "Yes!". So, I killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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why do you care?

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I thought I was a bird and I could fly Gravity painfully reminded me I was only a human

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Why did the black man break a woman's ribs? Cardiovascular resuscitation is an emergency procedure often used outside of hospitals to revive unconscious individuals before medical professionals are able to intervene. Sometimes having your life saved comes at a cost.

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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