What's spongy and smells of treacle? Treacle sponge

thumb_up thumb_down +39

There once was a man from Peru, Who fell into an extremely deep sleep and woke up just before he choked to death on his shoe rubber.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Pete and Repete are sitting on a fence. Pete falls off. Pete suffers from a scraped knee and a bruised tailbone.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

How do you burn a lot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

whats orange, nocturnal, and hurts to the touch? The sun or an orange owl... Depends on your preference

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the volcano say to the other volcano? Nothing, Volcanoes are inanimate objects that do not possess the ability to speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "I should've voted Democrat!"

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down +37

If a man has a gun, but no arms or legs, is he armed?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Q: What's white, sticky, and is swallowed by most women? A: Ice Cream

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A man walks into a bar, and says "ow."

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Two men are sitting on a park bench discussing the anatomy of goats. Where is Bertha? Teaching the principals of mathematics to blind orphins in Moscow, Russia.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Kenny died. The Bastards.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Heat oven to 375°. Grease 18 regular-size muffin cups (or 12 large size muffins). In bowl, mix butter until creamy. ... Add eggs one at a time, beating after each. Beat in vanilla, baking powder and salt. With spoon, fold in half of flour then half of milk into batter; repeat. Fold in blueberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What happened to boy who fell down the stairs? He died. What happened to the girl who fell down the same stairs? The boy who fell down the stairs hit her down the stairs too and they both died What happened to the man fell down these very same stairs? He got peer pressure and committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Roses are red Kittens are fluffy This doesn't rhyme Cupcake

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Knock Knock Whos there? Jonny Jonny who? Jonny tsunami, hope you can swim Japan

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Q: What dosent a Jew and a pizza have in commen? A: The pizza dosent scream when you put it in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass...! I said "ass" a lot, sorry for the language

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What do you a call a guy on steroids? A Body Builder

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How do you make a clown sad? You hit him in the face with axe

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Women's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

so there was two ducks in a bathtub. one duck says to the other duck, "hey, can you pass me the soap? the other duck says no.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops