What stinks and comes out of someones mouth. Bad Breath

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Your mother is so succsessfull that she can have any job she wants, she is probally going to stick with her current job though, She is a lawyer.

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I saw a man one day i saw him the next day and the next and the next i didn't see him ever again

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What did the deaf, dumb, blind, parapalegic kid get for Christmas? Cancer

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Fine, you got me there, I have already made sure that you get your compensation, it is the least thing I can do you let me know if anyone claiming to be part of my order bothers you again, I promise I will personally enforce strict guidelines in order to ensure that such a thing never happens again. I hope you will trust me, I will no longer call it the Order of Nero, but as you know we cannot reveal the true name of our order. I also agree to meet you in person so we can further discuss this impeding situation which I will give top priority. Truth is Nero, that I used to be one of your co workers in the underground, and my attempts at saving what is left might not be as ideal as the goals we are set to achieve are, we simply cannot expect that people excel at greatness at the first go. Of course this grave incident is not even near a "mere lack of greatness" but rather a group of people that yes, sadly have rightfully claimed to be members of our society, yet I need you to come to terms that this was a huge oversight in my vision for a new and "improved" underground society, and not a intentional attack at you and your personal security. I submit to your demands, and I ask that you partake in a small number of meetings where we can all discuss and further develop the necessary guidelines required to further solidify our foundation.

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Why didn't the hungry woman get up and make herself some food? She has Lou Gehrig disease and any movement she makes results in excruciating pain.

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What's black and blue and red all over Sex

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What did the black guy said when he ate a pie? Nothing, he learned not to speak with a full mouth.

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Why was the Blonde Crying? -because she had just witnessed her infant get sucked through a jet engine and was very sad.

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Imagine Buzz Lightyear standing on the edge of a cliff. He jumps off hoping to fly. He manages to glide for a little bit until a bird crashes into him a cause one of his wings to break. What happens then? Simply imagine him turning into bird.

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What's older than history? Pre-history.

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People eat. Thats because we poop. No its the other way around. Sloppy Joes. Thats what my poop looks like. Oh no im eating poop in between two buns!

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What did little Jimmy say when he met God ? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

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knock knock! fu ck off i'm a shift worker trying to sleep

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Why was the little boy sad? Cause his mum died of a terminal illness. Why was the little girl sad? Cause she was his sibling.

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what's worse than getting an unwarranted parking ticket? Serving a life sentence for killing the meter man.

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what's worse than finding 8 babies in 1 trash can? nuclear warfare

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What did the pope do when he saw the grinch? He prayed for his soul.

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A dog walks into a bar and asks for a pint.. But is immediately turned away as dogs are not allowed in pubs.

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How do you stop a rhino from charging? Try not to antagonise it.

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What did the young boy say to the adorable kitten? "Aww"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? IT WAS DEAD.

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Yo mama so fat, she was accepted to a clinical trial for treatment of morbid obesity in middle-aged women.

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Daughter: Mom can i watch a movie? Mom: Sure. Daughter: Thanks mom! You're the best mom in the world! Well....Mary is, since she had Jesus.....But anyway. Thanks!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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