- Anti Joke

A Jew walks into a bar. It probably hurt

Roses are red Violets are blue I have clamidia Because Polly shat on me.

How do you get 1000 pokemon on to a bus? Pikachu!

What do you get wen u cross a cat and a walrus? Two animals with very different life styles.

What causes floods? Too much water.

A blonde walks into a library. She is a commerce major.

A caterpillar walks into a bar. I don't know how he opened the door.

Q: What do you get when you cross and owl with a bungie cord? A: My ass

What do you call two dead blondes? A terrible day for their families and for many more to come

A blonde woman walked into a bar. She ordered a scotch.

An elephant walks into a bar..what the hell

A black man walks up to the cashier with twenty buckets of KFC and seventeen gallons of grape Kool - Aid. The cashier says, "Do you want a bag for those?"

Q: Why didn't the mexican get into the bathtub? A: He was already clean

What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungie cord? My ass.

A man walks into a crowded bar and orders a beer. The bartender doesn't hear him due to the background noise of everyone talking and the man has to repeat his order.

Boy: Mum... I got a hundred marks! Mother: That's good my son! Which subject was it? Boy: 30 for maths, 40 for english, and 30 for science.

Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says, "Boy it's hot in here." The second says, "It sure is." Both muffins then faint from heat exhaustion and are eaten to death when taken out of the oven And thus tragically, the world would never know of the spectacular talking muffins.

Two Jews walk into a bar, and they were both served properly

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Guess what my grandma told me yesterday.. Nothing she's dead.

When is a door not a door? Never. a door is always a door. it cannot be anything else.

A man is so drunk that the alcohol has a biphasic effect on the body, meaning that its effects change over time. Initially, alcohol typically produces feelings of relaxation and cheerfulness. Increased consumption, however, can lead to dehydration, coordination problems, blurred vision, and a great number of health, medical, and social issues and other drinking problems caused by alcoholism. As articulated above, excessive alcohol consumption can lead to drunkenness. One of the short term effects of intoxication is the lowering of an individual's inhibitions. As a consequence, when people are intoxicated they frequently do things they normally would not do while sober, often ignoring legal, ethical, social, and moral or religious norms. While blurred vision, slurred speech, dehydration, and coordination can be labeled as "alcohol short term effects," other health problems such as alcohol related heart disease, liver disease, and cancer, on the other hand, can be labeled as long term effects of alcohol abuse and alcoholism. This, however brief, is an overview of the effects of alcohol. What remains to be discussed, however, is what Paul Harvey calls "the rest of the story." Essentially, "the rest of the story" is a more detailed analysis of how excessive alcohol affects an individual's life and the lives of those around him or her when the person becomes an alcoholic and suffers from alcoholism. Perhaps the most logical way to discuss this complex topic is to focus first on the classic alcoholic behaviors and effects of alcohol in the four states of alcoholism; then examine some of the "social effects" of alcohol and alcoholism and finally, discuss the medical conditions, health issues, and drinking problems that are caused directly or indirectly by alcoholism.

Knock knock, Come in...

Q: Do you know what Lady Gaga make for his birthday? A: A party

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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