- Anti Joke

What did the one legged girl do when her apartment caught on fire? She tried to hop to safety, but died of smoke inhalation.

Why did the bus crash? Because the driver was a watermelon.

Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

You're momma's so fat, Oh wait. She's not.

An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

Roses are red, Violets are blue, This poem's cool. I ran over your dog.

A man with a gun walks into a bar. The police are called and the man was killed quickly.

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jewish people aren't edible.

Why did the gorilla fall on the ground Because it was dead

what is the difference between babies and trampolines? you take your shoes off when jumping on a trampoline

How many times have I told you not to do that? Fourteen.

What's the square root of 69? 8.3

who do hannah morgan and bonnie do in their free time? ANTI JOKEZ

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What's the difference between an alcoholic and a drug dealer? An alcoholic is an extremely corrupted, and unhealthy living person. Though so is a drug dealer... They are both very harmful situations in many ways.

What is the difference between black people and HIV? They are of a specific ethnicity whom which share specific ideals and background; whilst the other is a virus contracted from sexual intercourse.

What do you call shark with no dorsal fin? Unused ingredients for soup.

Nicolas Cage's acting.

Where do you find a one-legged cat? Right where you left it.

Once I asked a Chinese girl , how do I look ? . She said you Europeans all look the same .

Do u liek mudkipz GO TROLLING

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, your wife and kids die.

What's the most common pickup line in a gay bar? "Hi, may I buy you a drink?"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Segregation

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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