While walking along the beach, a man stubs his toe on a half buried lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off, and a enormous Genie appears in front of him. "You have released me from my 10,000 year imprisonment. I will grant you 3 wishes to repay you." says the Genie. The man quickly uses his 1st wish for wealth and the 2nd for the love of a beautiful woman. Unable to think of a 3rd wish and seeing the sunken look on the Genie's face, he wished for the Genie's freedom. The Genie uses his unrestrained powers to kill the man, resurrect Hitler and enslave the human race.

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What is green and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and onto your head? A pool table.

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A woman walks into a bar. She is pregnant and gives her baby fetal alcohol syndrome.

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knock! knock! whos there!?! abandoned baby!

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Why didn't the firefighter put out the fire? Because he wasn't a very good firefighter.

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What did the dog say to the mailman? nothing, dogs lack the mental capacity for human speech therefore he was unable to communicate his message verbally

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What's the difference between Micheal Phelps and Adolf Hitler. Michael Phelps is an Olympic swimmer who has won many gold medals in the 2008 Olympics in swimming races and is considered to be one of the greatest swimmers ever. Adolf Hitler was a terrible man who was the leader of the Nazi party during the World Wars. He ordered to kill eight million Jews, causing what is called the Holocaust. He is considered one of the worst men in human history. Other immature people would say Micheal Phelps can finish races.

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What do you call a man who laughed at a joke that wasn't funny? A man who gets amused at the littlest things.

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Your mama so stupid, she put 2 quarters in her ears and said she was istening to Fiftycent

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? Doormat.

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Why did the Filipino man get small condoms? Because he's not black.

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Why did the mother cross the road? To find her dead baby that was hit the night before.

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What do you call a black man at harvard? Probably a criminal who is in harvard law trying to find a good lawyer.

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is your refrigerator running? yeah oh, ok. just making sure your food doesn't spoil

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A duck walked up to the lemonade stand And he said to the man running the stand: QUACK!

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Why don't people like this joke? It makes no sense.

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Why did the Hispanic man have no job? Because we are in a recession, and work is hard to come by in this tough economy.

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Q) Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? A) Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest A) Real Joke : Because the parrots-eat-em-all

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Your Mom's sooo fat that when she jumps into a pool her splash attack does damage :P

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25

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? There are many circumstances that could affect the outcome of the situation. One of them is whether or not the given people have or will soon obtain a ladder. In this case, the lightbulb could take more time than needed to be screwed in and effectively changed. Another key factor in the situation is the number of people. If there are enough people to reach the ceiling without a ladder, the lightbulb could be screwed in sooner or later than asked by the owner of the facility in which the lightbulb socket is installed. Finally, the height of the persons given is a crucial point in this situation. The people may be tall, thus allowing there to be fewer people needed. The people could be short and need a greater number of people than if the people were, perhaps, a bit taller. All in all, I'd say about 1-2.

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What did the little boy do when he dropped his ice cream? Acted very mature and requested another one from his mother

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I am a nigger.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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