So two friends walk into a bar. One says to the bartender, "Get me a Miller Lite please." The bartender says, "Sure." The other friend says, "Get me a Cosmopolitan please." The bartender stares at him and says, "That is not the drink I was expecting you to order, but I respect your decision."

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A schizophrenic man walks into a bar. He has split personalities and does not realize that he has murdered his family.

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What's black and blue and red all over? A baby right after I kill it

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What do you call a black man sitting on his porch in the middle of the night playing a guitar? A Musician.

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knock knock. who's there? someone.

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Why Did the Drug dealer die He Got Hit by a buss

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You have been brought down to hell where you are welcomed by satan. "Welcome to hell, where you watch your loved ones get tortured for all eternity" Satan said "Where is everyone? " you ask "Hmmm, I guess you were never really loved"He replied

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Drunk irish man

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What do Bear Grylls drink under breakfast? Tea.

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an asian walks into a bar and does his math homework then he gets raped by a horse

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Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, living in the mountains? A: Cliff Q: What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs, living on the beach? A: Sandy Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? A: A victim of a serious crime, where murder was committed and the killer has a sick and twisted mind because he first cut off the man's arms and legs then nailed him to the wall with wooden pegs. Puppies.

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Q: What happened when Bob the Super-mega-ultra man, in his hurry to return an item that was objectively proven to be hazardous to physically normal people, banged his head very hard against a wall of a random building that was located on his route of travel? A: He recieved a concussion and had to coalesce in bed for a long time in order to return back to his regular style of living. Bob was merely a nominal 'Super-mega-ultra' man. He gets hurt practically as easily as anyone else.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken crossed the road accidentaly as chickens are absent minded.

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so there are 3 people who have heard of this magical cliff; theyre names are harry, dick, and joe. how the cliff works is that when you jump off you turn into whatever you say as you jump. first harry jumps off and yells plane, he turns into a plane and flys off. next dick jumps off and yells bird he turns into a bird and flys off. finally joe steps up to the cliff as he was walking he trips and falls as hes falling he yells HARRY DICK he than hits the ground and dies. everyone mourned for such a well respected individual.

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Why does dan leave Amy? Because dan is in another relationship and did not want to be unlawful to Amy.

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Two men walk into a bar. They get drunk.

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Why was the black guy mad at the white guy? Duh, cause the black guy slapped the white guy.

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W.N.B.A.

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american government

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Your mom is intimately familiar with many mens' penis due to her many years as a successful urologist.

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From the makers of Call of Duty 1, comes Call of Duty 2.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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A man with Alzheimers favorite thing to read is the first page of the antijoke book

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Two aspies don't walk into a bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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