A: What do you call a Jew with only one arm on Christmas? B: An amputee.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

How do you make a clown sad? You hit him in the face with axe

thumb_up thumb_down +34

In Soviet Russia ? ??? ??? ????????.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Did I tell you about the day I put PaulMckenna on a hypnotic state so he believed he put me in a trance? That was fun, everybody applauded, then he got sad when it was not him they where applauding at, funny guy, a bit of an amateur, he spends hours "priming" people in a hypnotic state, and then in his videos triggers it so it makes it seem like he does it instantly, next to Igor Ledohowsky and Richard Bandler, I might just be one of the best and youngest hypnotists alive. Speaking of which, my wife knows the complicated yet strong feelings I got for you, and feels safe around me because of the same reasons you do, and the fact that I can spot a worry and a tear before people do, especially those I love and care about. Wait I am not done, I just need to eat before I space out.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Who can make 50 iPads in 1 hour? An Asian

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was an identity thief.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's worse than finding a fly in your drink? Gonorrhea.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

There was this guy who walked in the bar with one shoe. The bartender asks what happened. The man said the shoe didn't fit. So the bartender ask where is the other shoe. The man said he threw it away. The bartender looks in the trashcan and sure enough he sees his other shoe. The bartender says "This is the same size as your other shoe. Why are you wearing one shoe?" The man says "I'm just playing a prank on you. There's a hidden camera over there and over there. Is it okay if I can put you on YouTube?" and the bartender says "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +32

If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, how many does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I walked into a bar and it hurt because it was metal

thumb_up thumb_down +32

5

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Whats cooler than cool? Ice Cold.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A man met a genie that granted him three wishes. I wish I could fly. The genie gave him a plane ticket. No, I want to really fly for real! The genie put him inside a plane. Okay, I wish I was unable to die then! The genie killed him. Moral: Not every story needs to make a fucking sense.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The Holocaust. And also cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

two biscuits rolling down a hill one says, " where you from" the other replied "im not telling you, youl steal my washing"

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Knock, knock. Whose there? Tits. Tits, who? SUCK EM'!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's worse than a 15 year old getting hit by a car? Adam Johnson

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the Jew pick up the penny? Because he dropped it

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A child rides by his mother on his bicycle and says "Look Mom, no hands!" The child doesn't come back, and night falls but he has yet to come home. His mother calls the police and a search begins 2 days later. He is never found is presumed dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did Suzy fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzy.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the lion go to the doctor? He was hungry for man flesh. -John R-

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's the difference between an elephant and a toaster. A lot of things.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops