I walked into a bar and it hurt because it was metal

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- How can you call a person, who hasn't got a left eye, a left hand and a left leg? - All right.

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Yes.

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5

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Whats cooler than cool? Ice Cold.

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two biscuits rolling down a hill one says, " where you from" the other replied "im not telling you, youl steal my washing"

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A man met a genie that granted him three wishes. I wish I could fly. The genie gave him a plane ticket. No, I want to really fly for real! The genie put him inside a plane. Okay, I wish I was unable to die then! The genie killed him. Moral: Not every story needs to make a fucking sense.

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Knock, knock. Whose there? Tits. Tits, who? SUCK EM'!

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Why did the Jew pick up the penny? Because he dropped it

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What's worse than a 15 year old getting hit by a car? Adam Johnson

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A child rides by his mother on his bicycle and says "Look Mom, no hands!" The child doesn't come back, and night falls but he has yet to come home. His mother calls the police and a search begins 2 days later. He is never found is presumed dead.

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A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

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Why did the lion go to the doctor? He was hungry for man flesh. -John R-

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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The only silverware Frank Lampard will be lifting this year is his mums urn.

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A horse cantered into a bar.

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What did the african american ninja say to the jewish bartender? Can I have a beer?

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An Asian walks out of the library.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the same wolf that had devoured the chickens' chicks singlehandedly was chasing it.

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What happens when you lose your fish? It dies.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the front porch? Matt What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating down the river? Bob

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new girlfriend? Neither has he.

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Why didn't the 13 year old Black boy have any friends? He was autistic and didn't connect properly with people.

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Where did the moon get its degree? Unfortunately, they haven't installed any colleges for planetary satellites yet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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