Cashier: Have a nice day sir! Grumpy man: Don't tell me what kind of day to have ya fruit!

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Watch your lips.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Pete. I'm here to tell you that your entire family just died in a car accident.

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Did you hear about the deer? He had antlers. If antlers where a kind of disease, that would be a pun.

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Kid: Hey,can i have all the answers to this test please. Teacher: What the hell kid im the fricken teacher.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 has two penises

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kevin kim

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What did one ear say to the other ear? Did you hear that?

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How many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dogs do not have aposable thumbs therefore they cannot screw in light bulbs

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knock knock whos there a boy a boy who ? oh, sorry he just got hit by a train.

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What happened when the lawyer pissed all over the judge? He was thrown off the case, causing him to go home, rape his wife, and put a bullet into his child's head.

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Why is Santa fat? Because the apples are red.

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What do you call a black hitch-hiker? Stranded

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A rabbi walks into a bar mitzvah

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What did the father say to his gay son? "Finish your homework."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The Holocaust. And also cancer.

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What did Liberia say to Texas? Tag, you're it!

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. What about the vampires?

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Your mama is so ugly that she tried out for America's Next Top Model and did not get in.

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the cast of the jersey shore

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What do you call a hickey on your shoulder? Bad aim -Cooper Simpson

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Wanna hear a funny joke? Look at the last joke.

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roses are red i have a phone nobody texts me forever alonee lol

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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