- Anti Joke

Michael Hoffman leaves the gym

What did the Dinosaur say to the Seal? Dinosaur's cant.. wait...

A dog is walking down the street. The dog catcher promptly arrives and takes him to the pound. Two months later the dog is in a new, happy home with a wonderful family.

Joseph had been temporarily blinded for over a year. While blind, he saw the doctor who told him he would regain sight the next morning when he woke up. For this special moment, Joseph decided that the first thing he wanted to see was his wife. So, his wife decided to stay up all night so she was in the right position for when Joseph woke up. However, when Joseph woke up and opened his eyes his wife wasn't there so he was a little bit annoyed.

wanna hear a joke. i do to

What do you call a black thing hanging from a tree A tire swing

Once there was a rich man who lived in a castle on a hill. One fine morning who awoke and decided to go downstairs to make a cup of tea. As he switched on the kettle, he realised he had no tea bags, and so, went to the local shops to buy some – but when he arrived back, his magnificent castle had been burnt down to the ground. The man, obviously shocked, looked around in hope for some evidence as to who would commit this awful crime, but he saw nothing, apart from a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance and they give him a mansion. One morning in the man’s fine mansion, he decided he wanted a nice cup of tea, so went downstairs, discovered he had no teabags, went to the shop to purchase some and came back to find his mansion was no more than a pile of ash. Once again he looked around and saw nothing other than a little green man running off into the distance. The man calls insurance for a second time and they give him a normal house. One morning in the man’s normal house, he feels the need for a cup of tea. But has no teabags, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to find his normal house has burnt down. In the distance a little green man is running away. Insurance give the man a small cottage. And one morning in this small cottage, the man goes downstairs to make a cup of tea, but once again he has no teabags. Off to the shops he went to buy some but discovered, as he approached his cottage on the way home, that it had been burnt down. He looked around to see the now familiar sight of a little green man running off into the distance. Insurance give him a caravan. One morning in the caravan, the man discovers, while attempting to make a cup of tea, that he has no teabags. So, naively, he goes to the shop to get some and comes back to his caravan to find it burnt down. He looked up and saw a little green man running off into the distance. The now annoyed insurance company give the man a tent. One sunny morning in the man’s tent - he feels the need for tea, but has no teabags; he goes to the shop to buy some and arrives back at his tent to find a little green man holding a can of gasoline and some matches. The man asks: “are you the one who has been burning down all my houses?” And the little green man replies: “No.”

What did the mentally retarted student get on his SAT? Drool

What is the difference between a duck?

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car. who's driving? The black guy because he just turned 16. His school mate the Mexican child is still only 15 and he will have to wait a few more months before he can drive.

thumbs up!

What's brown and sticky? 'Brown' is a colour, and 'sticky' is a consistency. Please try and use correct grammar.

what did one tree say to the other? move over

Why did the man wear a blue shirt? He didn't. He wore a green one.

if life gives you lemons you probably have problems

Knock knock Who's there? Not you

Pickup line: Hey do you like flowers? Because you stole my flowers.

Yo momma eats healthy, exercises regularly and is likely in decent physical condition.

Why did Sally fall off of the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Whose there? Not Sally.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They had just been to their father's funeral, who was a Welshman.

where did sally go after the bombing? everywhere.

What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? Shot.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Lots of things. Life isn't all about you, you know.

I saw a mexican drowning and saved him... as my screensaver ;)

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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