why didn't your dog come home last cause he died

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What did little Jimmy say when he saw a group of dancing blue penguins dressed as cannibal clowns with saucers on their head ? "What the f*ck"

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How tall is the grass in Germany? ZIS HIGH! *put hand about an inch and half off the ground* I mow it about every ozher week

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How do you kill a mocking bird? You throw an axe at it.

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They decide to exchange heads. Barbie squeezes the small opening under her chin over Ken's bulging neck socket. His wide jaw line jostles atop his girlfriend's body, loosely, like one of those novelty dogs destined to gaze from the back windows of cars. The two dolls chase each other around the orange Country Camper unsure what they'll do when they're within touching distance. Ken wants to feel Barbie's toes between his lips, take off one of her legs and force his whole arm inside her. With only the vaguest suggestion of genitals, all the alluring qualities they possess as fashion dolls, up until now, have done neither of them much good. But suddenly Barbie is excited looking at her own body under the weight of Ken's face. He is part circus freak, part thwarted hermaphrodite. And she is imagining she is somebody else—maybe somebody middle class and ordinary, maybe another teenage model being caught in a scandal. The night had begun with Barbie getting angry at finding Ken's blow up doll, folded and stuffed under the couch. He was defensive and ashamed, especially about not having the breath to inflate her. But after a round of pretend-tears, Barbie and Ken vowed to try to make their relationship work. With their good memories as sustaining as good food, they listened to late-night radio talk shows, one featuring Doctor Ruth. When all else fails, just hold each other, the small sex therapist crooned. Barbie and Ken, on cue, groped in the dark, their interchangeable skin glowing, the color of Band-Aids. Then, they let themselves go— Soon Barbie was begging Ken to try on her spandex miniskirt. She showed him how to pivot as though he was on a runway. Ken begged to tie Barbie onto his yellow surfboard and spin her on the kitchen table until she grew dizzy. Anything, anything, they both said to the other's requests, their mirrored desires bubbling from the most unlikely places.

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Would you like a better house, car, spouse, and a better life all together? No, no thanks.

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why are you adopted? cause no one loved you.

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What did the priest say to the kid? You can tell your dog but nobody else, ok?

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Yo mamma so mexican she brought tacos to the dinner table

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How long will it take for a dog to paint a color wheel? I don't know.

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A man walks into a zoo. There is only one animal, a dog. It's a shitzu.

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If one of us goes, all of us go. If we all go, none of us are left out.

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The cat climbed a tree. It didn't want to come down, so it starved to death.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: How should I know?

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Knock knock who's there? Hi! where from the church of latter day saints!

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my nAME IS ALAN AND IM NOT COOL

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Why is it as hot as the sun? Because it is the sun

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Roses are red Violets are blue Little Tommie is dead In a body bag Going to the dumpster Behind my house

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Where's my shotgun

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Yo momma's so dirty that she washes her hands with anti-bacterial soap.

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Roses are black Violets are black I'm blind

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Why did Bob Marley Shoot the Sheriff? Because he was black.

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You know what really grinds my gears? Shifting into "park" before my car's fully stopped.

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Q.whats the differecne between a bicycle? A. orange,...a vest dont got no sleeves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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