When life gives you lemons, find someone with a papercut.

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What happened to the man who dropped his soap? Nothing he picked it up and lived a happy life.

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

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I helped build the town school. But when people see me, no one says "Hey, there's the guy that built the town school." I helped put out the flames, when the city was on fire. But when people see me they don't say "Hey, there's the hero that saved the city." But I have sex with one goat.... And people judge me justifiably asd having sex with goats is really disgusting and sticks in peoples minds.

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What did the Asian bookkeeper say to the Jewish dog? I love you

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Whats the difference between football and basketball? Absolutely everything By darragh Hamilton

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How do you make a baby cry? You punch him him the gut and slap him multiple times.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Banana. Go away.

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what do you call a black guy fixing your electricity an electrician

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Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? In a desperate, but unsuccessful attempt to save his mothers life, as a serial killer pulled her into his van

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Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

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What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungie cord? My ass.

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Why really answer a question when you can just respond, "because you touch yourself." For example, Q: Why did fluffy die? A: Because you touch yourself.

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What type of vision does an Asian person have? 0-0 because he is blind

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you dirty racist.

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How do you kill a Chinese man? There are many ways, all of which are horrible

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How many blonde's does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to hold the ladder and one to peel the carrotts

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A duck flies to someone's backyard pool. Moments later it takes a dump , then suddenly flies away.

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whats big green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? a pool table

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Why did the white man kill the black man? Because he was a racist that didn't care much for black people or their ways.

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Why can't woman be cokcy? Because that don't have one (Sorry for the sexist joke, to who it may concern)

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Why was the boy sad? He had just been in a terrible car accident in which he witnessed his entire family die painful, violent deaths, thus he suffered survivor's guilt. Also he dropped his ice cream.

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What happened when a boy used the wrong punctuation and grammar, plus forgot how to spell the word know? i dont ;now!!!!!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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