A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink. He reaches into his back pocket, but cannot find his wallet. The man was pick pocketed by a skilled thief on his walk to the bar. The man quickly makes calls to cancel his credit cards and minimize the financial loss.

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What's brown and sticky? ...A stick.

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A man who was clearly tired and worn out enters a bar. The bartender says "Long night, eh?" The man responds "Yes, very. I was with my girlfriend." The bartender says in response "Well I'm sure that was a fun time, if you know what I'm sayin." "No, not really" says the man. Little did the bartender know, the man's girlfriend was a dominatrix.

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What do you call a black man forcing two young girls into his car with a gun? A Police Officer.

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Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle

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obama's promises

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Q: Why was the bacteria afraid of the sanitizer? A: Because hand sanitizers are made up of ethyl alcohol, inactive additives such as water, other alcohols and fragrances. Ethyl alcohol is the active ingredient in hand sanitizer and is designed to kill germs.

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Why did the black man cry? He had no rights.

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Knock knock who's there? Screw this Screw this who? Im screwing this like ur boyfriend screwed you!

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What did the cast of sex and the city get for Christmas Nothing Sarah Jessica Parker is Jewish

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what did the man do when he went to save the other man from drowning? drowned with him...

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What's a fail with a bowl on its head, a 30 year old, and a 5 year old at the same time? Justin Beiber

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How many blonde's does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to hold the ladder and one to peel the carrotts

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A squirrel and an owl are sitting in a tree. A farmers walks by underneath, and the squirrel turns to the owl and says nothing, because squirrels can't talk and neither can owls. Then the owl eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.

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What did the man with scissors do? He cut his balls off.

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Why can't woman be cokcy? Because that don't have one (Sorry for the sexist joke, to who it may concern)

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What is the unltimate Jewish dilemma? Free pork

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Roses Are red violets are blue I HAVE FIVE FINGERS THE MIDDLE IS FOR U

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How do you stop an alcoholic from drinking ? You leave him in the desert for 4 days, eventually he'll die from dehydration .

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See now that is confident and down to earth, reasonable, and all the etc etc`s, so what would you like me to fill them in with? Joking aside, you are smart, funny, you take a beating (sorry that`s today`s new low point, I have never hit a woman and never will, sure I punched down the GigaLesb when she lifted me up and my spine started making cracking noises, but that does not technically count as a woman). You are sweet, you are cute, you are funny, you are hot hot hot (hattrick see?), and yeah yeah if you want me to prove to people here that we know each other, sure, I met you once like 15 years ago? You kinda adored me, I could not take my eyes of yours (oh yeah, you got adorable eyes sure), and... You got huge breasts (Tits are more like those hanging you know what I mean) Sigh sometimes a boy wonders what he is doing with his life, he falls for the strangest girls... ...AND THEN SAID BOY FINDS HIMSELF BROKEN IN TWINE BY ME!

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What doesnt have arms and legs? A brick.

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What is the difference between a duck? It can neither ride a bike.

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what's funnier than a dead baby? a lot of less tragic things

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What do you call a dancing panda bear? I'm not sure, but panda bears are pretty big, so the possibility of them dancing is highly unlikely.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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