Q: Your arms are tied and bleeding from your face, a bull is charging at you, a catapult launches a bunch of rottweilers with rabies straight at your face, a nuclear bomb right next to you is five seconds from exploding, and my teleportation device ia right next to you, what do you do? A: You start by getting your own damn teleportation device! The hell ill let you bleed on mine!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a man wearing a costume similar to a stereotypical ghost? A mentally disabled man on halloween.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How did the black kid drop out of highschool? He got bad grades.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you get when you cross a third edition X-19 TQRFT scooter with a teal-colored pencil? A third edition X-19 TQRFT scooter with a teal-colored pencil on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Two guys go hunting and one of them aims the sniper at the other guy's house and says "I see your wife's cheating on you again with another man" he replies "I've had it with her, shoot him in the privates and shoot her in the mouth" the friend says "I'll get that in one shot".

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you save someones life? Do not kill them.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why are you fat? You like devil dogs

thumb_up thumb_down +9

what do you call a boomerang that never comes back? stick

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen Bug? Four, maybe 3, depending on the size of each person.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats black and smells like white paint? A) Black paint!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How did Bob fall off the swing? He had no arms. Why couldn't he get up? He had no arms. What did Bob get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead-

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do millions of men give their girlfriends every Christmas? AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what rhymes with sloth? -RaPe-

thumb_up thumb_down +7

This is probably how President Obama proposed to his wife. "I don't wanna be Obama self"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock Who's there? Rob Rob! I haven't seen you in ages come on in.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

SC Johnson a Family Company

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the girl die? No one knows.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and chess? Michael Jackson's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your mama is so fat... Haha, that's a good joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

There's two men on a subway. One says "Hey, that's my sandwich.".

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops