Ay Bee Cee Dee Ey Ef Gee Haych Eye Jay Kay El Em En Ow Pee Queue Our Es Tee You Vee Doubleyou Ex Why Zed Now you know your ABC, come along and sing with me!

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The mailman saw little Johnny sitting on the side of the street with an old coffee can Mailman: What do you have in that can there? Johnny: dog shit Mailman: what the fuck

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A proton and a neutron talk to each other. Two atoms are walking down the street one day, and one of them says to the other: "Hey, wait up a second. I think I lost an electron" The first atom replied, "Are you sure?" The second atom said, "Oh, wait. Never mind. I found it."

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I have read and agree to the terms of service.

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Why can't the dinosaur eat M&M's? He is dead. He used to rule the Earth 65 Million years ago, though. Dinosaurs are reptiles. Whales are not. Meow?

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How many licks does it take to got to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 357

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Why couldn't Jim pogo-stick? He didn't have one.

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Blonde walks into a bar. Man walks up to blonde and says a pick-up line. Blonde says "Crap, this is a gay bar?"

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Q: Why did the singer stop singing? A: Someone threw a car at her face.

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What did Santa get for a young boy? A gun.

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Student: This guy is bothering me! Teacher: And you expect me to do something about it?

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Q. What's worse than 400 babies going down the road at 80 miles per hours in a garbage truck? A. The same babies being dumped into a trash compactor

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What do Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston have in common? They were both great singers.

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What's funny about 4 black people going off a cliff in a Cadillac? Nothing. You're adopted

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the meaning of life is too burn calories so I burnt a fat kid?

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How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? They can't change anything.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? She's dead.

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Republicans

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Knock knock. Who's there? Open the fucking door. Open it! This is a fucking robbery. This is not a fucking joke. Get down on the ground. Shut that baby up. Shut that fucking baby up! Now! Get on the fucking ground or I swear to Christ I will fucking end your life. Tell the kids to go to their room. Do it. Do it, you fucking bitch! Where's the fucking jewelry? You got any money stashed anywhere? Come on, I know it's here. Keys? Your husband got any guns? Give me everything valuable or I swear to god, I will fucking murder you in front of your son. The woman was brutally raped for hours.

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A man from China is learning English and when confronted by a cop accidentally answers each question with one of the few words he knows, impugning himself in the process. The cop, not being a sociopath, realizes that the chuckling foreigner probably has no idea what he has just done and hands him a dictionary to help him cope with the drastic change.

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What is small, black, and loved by children? An oreo.

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Why did the black guy only turn left? Because he was mentally retarded and couldn't tell left from right and had no idea where he was going

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What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? There are many, no human being is exactly alike.

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Why did little Bobby put a firecracker in the dog's ass? Don't worry, he used lube.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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