What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding? Nothing

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How much does a polar bear way? Near 1,100 pounds.

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What do u call a black rapper who only raps about sex and money? lil wayne

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Smart Blondes

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Whats brown and slippery? A brown slipper.

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ecks! why zee?

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Helen got hit by a bus. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Helen!!

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want a balloon? yeah

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roses are red violets are blue i ate a peanut lets go have sex

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Why are black guys good at basketball? Hard work and determination.

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How do you burn a lot of calories? Set a fat kid on fire.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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how do you make a door cry? twist its nob

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Why do black people eat fried chicken? Because eating raw chicken is just wrong.

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whats the difference between a joke and the holocaust? ...There both funny..Exept for the Holocaust.

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A black man walks up to a jewish man in a bar. They engage into a nice conversation, seeing how they were friends back in college.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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What would Michael Jackson do if he saw a naked child alone in an alleyway? It is unknown, as he cannot be asked about this hypothetical scenario due to his passing in 2009.

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A: What do you call a Jew with only one arm on Christmas? B: An amputee.

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Person 1- your face is a stupid joke Person 2- you're right, because it's not a joke its a face

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There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count to potato and those who can't.

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What did the man do after he took a bite of his pie? Chew. After that? Swallow. Then? Repeat.

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How many cows does it take to swim on land? 4.2

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm dyslexic couldn't tell, could you?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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