why did the one handed man cross the road? to get to the secondhand shop.

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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A choir boy is hit by a car outside church. Someone runs to him and says "shall I fetch the priest?" The boy starts to mumble something but quickly loses consciousness, and later dies after 16 hours in ICU.

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A guy walks into a bar. He's thirsty and wants a beer.

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I went river dancing once. I fell in

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hey bill!

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Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: The wheel chair.

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Whats brown and sticky? Shit.

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Why did the kid drop his lollipop? He got hit by a bus.

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A panda bear walks into a bar. The bartender then alerts the zoo of the whereabouts of their missing panda.

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What did the banana say to the other banana? We're both marshmallows

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How do you make a burns victim cry? You show them a mirror.

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, I have Alzheimers, Hey i just met you.

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Whats the best part about 23 year olds? Theres 20 of them

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What's worse than doing the dishes with long sleeves? Finding out your girlfriend's been cheating on you.

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What's funny about the holocaust? Nothing. Whoever thinks the holocaust is funny is a dick.

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What's better than winning the special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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This guy goes to the ball game. He waits in line at the concession stand and gets a footlong hot dog and a giant orange soda. Then he makes his way around to his section of the stadium, and works his way to his seat, which is in the center of the row. Right when he's about to take a bite of his hot dog, when he hears someone in the seats way up behind him yell "Hey! Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, and sets down his giant orange drink, stands up and turns around, scanning the crowd. Eventually he sits back down. He picks up his hot dog, picks up his giant orange drink, and is just about to take a bike when he hears it again, someone way up behind him yelling "Hey! Mike!". So, he sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, and scans the hundreds of faces in the seats behind him. After a while, he sits back down. Then, right when he's about to bite into his hot dog, he hears someone behind him yelling "Mike! Hey, Mike!" He sets down his hot dog, sets down his giant orange drink, stands up, turns around, cups his hands around his mouth and yells as loud as he can, "My name's not Mike!"

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Poop

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Why did the golfer wear two pair of trousers? Because he's a wanker

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An Astronaut.

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Why did spongebob eat Patrick Because he was hungry

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And the winner of Miss America 2050 is... Britney Spears!

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there were two cyclists cycling at a steady pace down a main road in china, one irish and the other chinese. now they happened to be cycling at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace. so why did the irish cyclist get pulled over and the chinese not? because the irish cyclist had in fact brutally raped and murdered a young child in his home town and then fled the country to china.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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