#1 rule in arguments: if losing, start correcting their grammar

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How much does a polar bear weigh? The average male weights approximately 1150lbs.

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Two men walked into a bar. The third transformed into a duck and flew away.

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Did I tell you about the day I put PaulMckenna on a hypnotic state so he believed he put me in a trance? That was fun, everybody applauded, then he got sad when it was not him they where applauding at, funny guy, a bit of an amateur, he spends hours "priming" people in a hypnotic state, and then in his videos triggers it so it makes it seem like he does it instantly, next to Igor Ledohowsky and Richard Bandler, I might just be one of the best and youngest hypnotists alive. Speaking of which, my wife knows the complicated yet strong feelings I got for you, and feels safe around me because of the same reasons you do, and the fact that I can spot a worry and a tear before people do, especially those I love and care about. Wait I am not done, I just need to eat before I space out.

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What happened to boy who fell down the stairs? He died. What happened to the girl who fell down the same stairs? The boy who fell down the stairs hit her down the stairs too and they both died What happened to the man fell down these very same stairs? He got peer pressure and committed suicide.

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What's long and hard and looks like plastic? A plastic baton.

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Person 1: Eric is in the hospital! I think it was those depression pills. Person 2: What did he overdose? Person 3: No he just took to much.

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Knock Knock Who's there? No one was there. It was two birds flew into the door and died.

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What's the diffrents beetween a carrot and a dead baby? One I like to eat in my soup, the other one s a carrot.

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Your mom was diagnosed with aids. Her prognosis was 6 months....clearly this joke is about the Holocaust.

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Your mom is so ugly that she decided to work as a prostitute and she died a virgin.

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Your mom is so fat that she saw a school bus full of white children and , thought "I can hardly even remember a time when my body used to be slim." She now keeps track of her diet and exercises regularly,the result of this has been a weight loss of over 95 pounds.

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What did the one legged girl do when her apartment caught on fire? She tried to hop to safety, but died of smoke inhalation.

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Q: what is funny today A: your parents died in a horrible car accident

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What's the difference between an elephant and a toaster. A lot of things.

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Why couldn't the eleven year old get into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-14 and he was unaccompanied by a mature adult.

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What's the difference between a duck, an engineer, and a leaf? There are many differences between these 3 that I will not list them all.

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What do you call a black guy, a white guy, a mexican guy, and a chinese guy jumping out of a plane? Skydivers.

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Hey, look under there! Under what?

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A priest a rabbi and an iman are stuck in the desert. After walking for days without rescue or civilisation in sight, and rapidly running out of food and water, they decide to each pray to their respective gods for rescue, and in doing so solve the ultimate question of which religion is the true religion. They all die.

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You have 5 $1 dollar bills. Your mom rapes you and you still have 1 $5 dollar bill.

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How do you wake up Lady GAGA? A sludge hammer!

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two biscuits rolling down a hill one says, " where you from" the other replied "im not telling you, youl steal my washing"

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Q: What's a Mexican's favorite sport? A: Cross Country

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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