Whats the best way to get a woman to sleep with you? Rape her

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why are children like books? They are highly flammable if covered in gasoline.

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Q: what weighs 6 ounces sits in a tree and is very deadly? A: a sparrow with a machine gun

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When life gives you melons, youre probably dyslexic.

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hi

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If you challenge the tarsier to a staring contest, it wouldnt undersand a word you say, but it would stare at you when you would think that was apropos. the tarsier wouldnt really think anything and would just make a peepee

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What do Bear Grylls drink under breakfast? Tea.

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What did Connor say to the fat man? Dude ur extremely fat.

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this guy didnt get any pussy last night so go easy on him I I I V

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why did the chicken cross the road? It was running from the black man

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what glows blue and howls at the moon at midnight? I dont know but i had sex with your mother.

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What is the difference between a dog being hit by a car and an Arab being hit by a car? There are skidmarks before the dog

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A cannibal. WHAT?! You are about to die and be eaten.

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Ebola

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Here is a joke for you: minecraft -blarg

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After a long romantic date with my girl friend I went home. Upon walking to my bathroom for a dootie i realize that I'm gay. So I break up with my girl friend and I am now in a wonderful relationship with Jose, He sell's sea shells at discount prices.

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What is red and itchy? Something that itches and it turns red if you itch it to much

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A black baby dies and goes to Heaven. When god put wings on him the baby sais, "Ahh gee god am I an angel?" Then god sais, "Nahh nigga you a bat."

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrarri? A dead baby is a non-living human, while a Ferrarri is a brand of car.

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How did the chicken cross the road? Suicide. There was a graveyard across the street. RIP Mr. Chicken.

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The gay man came out of the closet.....Not that he wanted the world to know about his alternative lifestyle but because he is fairly wealthy and keeps his trousers on hangers in the rear of his walk in closet.

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whose better then Sarah, Georgia and ellie NO ONE!!!!

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what do you call a black man in prison? justice.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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