What time is the dentist appointment? Time for you to get a watch

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What would you do for a Klondike bar? I'd probably pay in cash.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink. He reaches into his back pocket, but cannot find his wallet. The man was pick pocketed by a skilled thief on his walk to the bar. The man quickly makes calls to cancel his credit cards and minimize the financial loss.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the doctor say to the patient? You have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did Hitler kill six million Jews? Because one of them looked at him funny.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock knock Who's there? Death. Come with me.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How do you save a black guy from drowning? You don't.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

whats big green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? a pool table

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What has wings and flies at night? A black man with wings

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why are children like books? They are highly flammable if covered in gasoline.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you make Al Gore cry? Kill his daughter.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How did jimmy get hurt?? someone throw a fridge at him..

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A black person and a hispanic person are in a car, who is driving? The black person, after all it's his car.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

When life gives you melons, youre probably dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: what weighs 6 ounces sits in a tree and is very deadly? A: a sparrow with a machine gun

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Whats the best way to get a woman to sleep with you? Rape her

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had just been brutally raped by a lawnmower. The lawnmower had been hit by a car. The woman driving the car was suffering from Alzheimers disease. Which then escalated from the stress of the accident that she took her cat and ripped his right ass cheek then continued on with her day

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did Connor say to the fat man? Dude ur extremely fat.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do Bear Grylls drink under breakfast? Tea.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

this guy didnt get any pussy last night so go easy on him I I I V

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Ebola

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops