- Anti Joke

What did the prisoner say to the man who posted his bail? Thank you.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Whats the difference between football and basketball? Absolutely everything By darragh Hamilton

why was the boy sad He had a frog stapled to his face

How do you kill the President of the United States? Your name has been reported to the authorities.

Knock knock! Who's There? @HurricaneKris4 on Twitter Ok I'll follow you...

Murder me once, shame on you.

iPhone's. Amirite? That's not even an anti-joke. Just a joke.

What worse that punching a baby? Stabing one.

if life gives you lemons you probably have problems

There was this women at a banana festival, but she didn't like bananas. So she split

Q: What do you call a women with 2 bowling pins? A: A women with 2 bowling pins.

what did the man do when he went to save the other man from drowning? drowned with him...

what do you get when you put a baby in a blender? salsa how to you get it out? tostitos

What's red and green and goes around and around? A frog in a blender

#scabbers

Okay, So a Cow, a Lumberjack and a Fireman walk into a bar. The cow asks the bartender, "What kind of milk do you have?" The bartender looks confused and asks," Why would a cow want milk?" The cow replies,"I've been producing milk all my life and I've never had a chance to try it. I'd just like some milk." The bartender replies,"Okay we have whole milk, 2%, and skim milk. What'll you have?" The cow says,"Whole milk, I want the whole deal." The bartender obliges. Next the Lumberjack comes up to the bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The lumberjack asks for some syrup. The bartender inquiries,"What kind of syrup would you like?" The lumberjack answers,"Pure Maple, imitation, or chocolate. All work for me." The bartender turns and pours a shot of pure maple syrup and turns away. Finally the fireman walks up the the bartender and says, "Can I have a glass of water?" The bartender turn and ask inquisitively,"Why?" The fireman quickly replies,"TO PUT OUT THE FIRE!"...

A man runs over a woman with his car, whose fault was it? The woman's for trying to cross the street in the dark without a crosswalk.

How do you make a black man cry? Stab his wife.

How do you get 1000 pokemon on to a bus? Pikachu!

Q: whats worse than getting aids? A: Giving your mom aids.

who hooks up with grade 7's? •Jake Muchnik

Why was Little Billy crying? He had an axe embedded in his chest.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you should be a con artist.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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