Q: What's small and can't read? A: A candybar

why did the pirate not get in to the pirate movie it was rated arrrrrr

good one jess !!

A man is driving down a back country road in an old beat up car going 30 mph when he notices a black horse and a white horse keeping pace with him. They keep up with him for a few miles before passing him and turning into a farm on the road. The man is quite impressed with the horses speed and follows them to the farmer and offers the farmer living there the horses in exchange for the car. The farmer says the horses are bad luck but accepts the trade, and the man walks off with the horses. The man then enters the horses in a big horse race and puts a lot of money on them. The horses immediately take the lead and are about to finish the race when the black horse trips and the white horse goes back to pick him up and end up losing. The man is furious and returns the horses to the farmer and gets his car back. The next day another man is driving in a nicer car down the same road going 50 mph when the black horse and the white horse run right past his car. Impressed with the horses speed the man trades his car to the farmer who warns him about the horses. Ignoring the farmer's warning the man enters the horses in a new race. The horses once again take the lead and are close to finishing first and second when the black horse trips and the white horse goes and picks him up again once again losing their lead. The man angrily returns the horses in exchange for his car. The next day a third man drives down the same road in a brand new sports car. While he's testing the limits of the car the horses catch up to him and run with him. Surprised by the speed of the horses the man speeds up in his car but the horses manage to keep up. The horses eventually run past the man and turn into their farm, and the man looks down and realizes that the horses had been running faster than 120 mph. The man goes to the farmer and offers his car in exchange for the horses. The farmer accepts but gives the man the same warning he gave the two men earlier. The new man just like the other two men ignores the warning and enters the horses into a race and bets a lot of money on them. This time the horse take the lead out of the gate but feet from the finish line the white horse trips and falls. The black horse seeing this goes back and helps him up once again losing the race. The man is disgusted and releases the horses into the city in hopes that they'll die out there. The two horses are wander into a bar, and the bartender looks at them and says: "hey you two why the long face?"

What's the same about eggnog and a computer? You can search the web. Except that's only true for one of them.

What's the difference between a wife and a chef? A chef has the choice to leave the kitchen.

osama bin ladens hiding spot

What's red and green and goes around and around? A frog in a blender

im a straight dude and all the gay dudes at school make fun of me oh wait i wrote that backwards

Yo mama's so fat that she should probably go on a diet to avoid the risk of getting a cardiovascular disese.

what's the difference between fulham and sunderland ? hugh grant and lilly allen's dad

(Family sat down at table) *Child goes to start a story* - "I have a ginger friend.." Everyone bursts out laughing and leaves the child confused.

Whats big, round, and full of helium? Michaels Balloon head!

Why is a black man fat? Because he eats a lot.

What's black and fun to hang from trees? Tire swings.

POO IS LARGE WHEN IT COMES OUT OF ME

Two men walk into a bar... ..I didn't say what type of bar...

Roses are red, violets are blue. Cassidy's a whore so open the door.

And the winner of Miss America 2050 is... Britney Spears!

Q: What did Santa give the little boy for Christmas? A: Nothing, he's not real

What's worse than rush hour traffic? Your childhood friend, Ricky, was just brutally killed by a street cleaner

who touched the priests sticky hand? Jake Duncan

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you dirty racist.

What did one hostage say to the other hostage? Hrmfhrmfphmfr

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...