Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call a Mexican man in prison? A prison officer.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the mac and cheese before it was cool.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Hey i just met you and this is crazy Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What is the best thing about chuck norris? hes holding a gun to my hea

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A homeless guy walked up to me and said "Any change?", to which I replied, "Nope, your still homeless". We laughed and laughed. The he stabbed me.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the lonely old man get on valentines day? Nothing, because his wife died of cancer two years ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

100% of smokers die 100% of people die I am tied to a tree

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the vegitarian order for dinner? Vegatables

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Silly Sally Dillydallied then lost her job to outsourcing.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why didn't the skeleton go to th party? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did Riley cross the road? A: I lied he started to then proceeded to get hit by a bus filled with children causing them all to be scarred for life.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Me: Hey, Johnny! Do you see that Tree? Johnny: No. Me: Neither do I.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you kill one Jew. A gun. How do you kill a thousand Jews. With a millon angery germans.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why did the boys voice get so deep? He just went through puberty

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call it because it isn't coming.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is woman spelled backwards? namow.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the chicken fall off the tree? It was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock knock Who's there? Hector Hector who? ....I forgot the rest of the joke but your mom is a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? They can't, because feminists can never change anything!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

"Doctor," I said while poking my head, "My head hurts!" I poked my knee. "My knee hurts, too!" Then I tried touching my arm. "OW! So does my arm!" I even tried poking my teeth. "OUCH! Even my teeth hurt! What will I do Doctor?" "That's easy," said the Doctor, "I'll fix your finger right away."

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why was your family so sad? because you died due to your uncle's son's cousin urinating all over you as a baby causing you to sting yourself continually. did i mention you were born as a scorpion while your family members were all human beings making them neglect and throw you away in their trash when you would always climb out. your family secretly hid affection for you. back to the beginning. when you died everyone in the whole world except bill cosby got cancer at the exact moment you died, but years later (because bill cosby is immortal), he got down syndrome after everyone who was alive during your death died. that is why he goes doo dop bip babbity today.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Four blonds are driving to Disney World when they come across a sign that says Disney World left... So they take the left and enjoy themselves at the place many considered the most wonderful place in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops