A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Your mother is so fat........... that she is morbidly obese and is at severe risk for diabetes and other weight related diseases.

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Why was the black man escorted out of the bar. He was 10

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Why was Bill in jail? He stabbed 17 black people because they didn't deserve welfare checks.

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a swing set? No? Well neither did she.

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What do black people and apples have in common? Nothing.

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watermelons are red, pineapples are yellow. i'm not a poet, say hello for me.

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A duck waddles into a bar. He orders a drink and promtly drinks it vecause he has had a hard day at work.

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? To get home.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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What did the German say to the Jew? I'm not quite sure; I don't speak German.

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A man walks into a bar, and says "ow."

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why did the truck crash into a tree? cause staplers dont know how to drive

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a fish.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Eating the worm

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Why didn't the boy run the marathon? He was cripple.

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How do you turn a broken skateboard into a gleaming Rolls Royce? With magic.

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Why didn't the boy buy his mom a gift for Christmas? He was killed by a drunk driver two years ago

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Why are oranges blue? Wait there orange... right

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A black guy WALKS out of prison.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? The same number it would take people with any other hair color.

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A man is eating a sandwich. He is promptly shot in the face.

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If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? Answer: Newton's Law dictates that they would hit the ground at the same time.

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Why did the car stop. someone threw a cow at it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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